No no, sorry for that confusion...the OM is only a friend now..no matter how it looks, I know my wife of nine years, and she has even showed me conversations she has had with him on the phone..it is "over" in that way between them. They are only friends and she is even unsure of that..he is 2 hours away with no money for gas and in school (college). He lied to her about something really important about two weeks ago and they have dwindled their "talks" since.
Staying in the house is not an option because it is only rented and she is moving with no plan for me to go with her. NY is my only option.
We have agreed (as she says) that this is the way it is now, when has no future thoughts at the moment, she is open to the idea that we can be together again, just not thinking about it now. We had a conversation this morning about being best friends regardless of what happens. Also the new apartment has a one year lease and I would not be able to stay there even if she changed her mind. 2 people per room, 2 bedroom apt. her and 3 kids. I cannot be there without a lease break. She told me that she wouldn't break the lease (not meanly) even if she decided to take e back..she would have to pan out the year.
I cracked a bit and came online and decided ultimately to do the Last Resort and firmly go to NY..tomorrow. I feel that based on this last wonderful week with her (as friends)has given her the mindset that we can be best friends forever, better than a bad marriage. She may not be thinking about staying married due to the promise of a long lasting friendship. I basically foot downed today and said, "You know, I am not sure I can do this anymore like this. I think this best friend idea is not going to work. I think that when I go to NY, I will keep in touch with the children and send you money. But I feel that we should probably not have too much conversation. I have told you that the most important thing in my life is marriage and family, and you just shoot me down - I am not sure if I could handle us being 'just friends'." Then I walked away upstairs. 5 minutes later she came up and told me she was sorry, please don't be mad, let's just take it one day at a time, neither of us know what is going to happen. I said yes that is what I am doing, one day at a time, and today I need to go get that rental truck so I can get out of her (not meanly). It's already working.
I will go to NY and follow through for now. I will be able to pay for the broken lease in November if she finally comes around.
But to clarify, at this time there is no OM. And legally, I know she wouldn't keep the kids from me. As I have said, out relationship is not as bad as my words may make it sound.
