I agree with you about not focusing too much on history and past. I don't want to opereate in or from the past, but NOW in the present and looking to the future.
Regarding job:
first and foremost reason for new job is to not have to travel this year. travel does not feel good to me right now, as I want the most stable, predictable, reliable home environment for son as possible for this last year. He is facing enough unkowns right now looking at college placement etc. He has been hit hard by this separation. I also thought it would be a good 180 to explore the new job on my own without input from H and to reinforce to myself that I remain an independent person capable of big life changes when desired or needed. So it was a combination. This potential job is with a hospice company and I am passionate about this service, so that is another incentive.
That being said, while the interview yesterday went well, I am not sure this is the job for me. I was underwhelmed with the person I would be reporting to........was 20 minutes late in meeting with me, took 3 phone calls during the interview and came off very negative in her demeanor. I will continue on with the process for awhile to see if I get a different impression as I talk with a few more people. The other big thing from the interview yesterday is that they are looking for someone who can come in and sort out some dysfunction in the team I would be working with and I don't think I am up for that right now.
If I stay with my currnet job, that I like very much, and have to do the travel, H can come here to stay with S, when I am out of town. I don't think S would stay at H place right now at least. Do any of you see any up or down side to H coming here to stay with Noah while I am away? I would be interested in your thoughts. H is very reliable and an excellent dad, except for now loving their mom right now, but he is a good dad. The down side for me, is I hate the thought of "arranging" coverage for S. May be just my own pyschological hang up......will have to explore more. I think part of it is, I don't want to have to rely on H for ANYTHING right now. I am so disgusted with him, I want nothing to do with him.
Yes, 25.........I am working on the GAL. I have not joined any new clubs yet, but I am exploring my options. I am very interested in getting involved in some new and different things, and I get how that is good energy, gives me confidence, creates interest etc, but I want to pick the right things to do that I think bring value to my life in some way. I hate wasting time. I will get there I promise.
You refer to "tricks" that wake up MLCers. Can you share with me? Keeping in mind I am dark and can't pursue.
For anyone out there......how the heck does one "piece" with a distancer? Deluca's book does an excellent job with specificity for how to stop pursuing , why it doesn't work, etc, but he kind of stops at that, what happens if I stop pursuing, H comes inching back toward me, (which according to Deluca he will do if there is still some level of care for me, and he won't if there never was any care or if it is gone)
Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here. I know I have my hands full with the no pursuit plan for now, although I have to say, it feels a little freeing to me. I feel a little sense of relief at just letting go of him. If he is not attracted to me right now, or not into me, it feels better not to have to see him all of the time. Takes away the reminder.
H out of town for work conference this weekend and I am happy about that. I don't even know why it makes me happy.
You all need to hold me to a new physical fitness plan. I want to lose 15lbs. I am not horribly over weight, but losing 15 would be a good thing.
