The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

[LearningPatience]

I think I had a delayed reaction to MC last night. It was a hard session, but I don't think I realized that until after.

MC had met with each of us separately and last night was first meeting since. We went over our general positions (I'm leaning to R, W leaning to D) and the hurt we both felt. I don't want to say MC took sides, but I think I was more forthcoming, W was more indirect, we are both confused and I think MC had to work more with W to get her to 'see' things. I think MC might have seen that I've been trying to work on things; she did call out W on a couple of statements she made.

MC realizes we have this odd dynamic between ourselves, friends and family. For lack of better term she calls it 'incestuous'. I explicitly stated I was not willing to give up her family (they've been more family like to me than my own family ever was) and they've stated that no matter what, I'm still family with them. They love W, but aren't happy at all with the choices she is making. At one point, MC was talking to us like we should have a 'custody plan' with her family. We both kind of hesitated at that one.

MC asked about our interactions together, especially with family. W admitted she avoids going places, including her parents house, if she thinks I'll be there. Soon after, MC asked us (W especially) if we could ever see going to her parents house, her with OM, me with whomever I'm with, and interacting there. W gave a non-committal answer like she couldn't see being with him that long that it would ever come to that.

W looked beaten and down. She admitted all she has is OM and another couple as friends. She mentioned that when we first S, she was scared to be alone, but now... I had to remind her that she has never been alone, she was with OM the whole time. She had nothing to say about that.

MC brought up John Gottman's four horsemen of relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. That was definitely us. I decided to buy one of his books last night to learn more about this. Why not, I've read almost everything else.

Our homework assignment is to have a half-hour coffee 'date' this week, just to hang out and talk.

MC said she saw the care and concern I had for W. I don't think it is in a pursuing way (but who knows), more of an unconditional love type of concern. After we left and walked to our cars, I reminded W that I hope she finds happiness and gave her a light hug. I told her she didn't need to be a stranger and that she could text or call. I'm going to resist doing those things myself, as I do not want to pursue. However, I want her to know it is safe to try to reach out to me.

Obviously more was said and discussed, but it's all a swirl in my brain now (and if you've read this far, congrats!) I was upbeat and humourous during the session, but it really hit me afterward and I've been in a funk since. Not entirely sure how I am feeling right now.