25...you seem to understand me despite how scattered my posts are.
H poked his head out of the tunnel for awhile last night. I pulled back a little, in a way i havent before. He seemed depressed, and went for a drive. When he got back he said he went to visit with his parents. He looked like he had been crying. I think he is sad over ow. I pulled back a bit and headed out the door for a walk. I came back and he looked like he had been crying more. He asked if i wanted to watch a movie..i said ok.
I paused the movie for a sec to get a drink and i heard him crying... I decided not to pull back too much, but asked him if he was okay. He could barely talk, and finally he said "im a big jerk" i WANTED to say.... Yeah you are but i sat quietly letting him talk with no interferance.
He told me he is feeling guilt... And feels torn between his feelings of wanting to go and his feelings of compassion for me. Instead of begging, pleading...or using his low point to try and change his mind...i just said, dont worry about me, i will be fine. He just looked at me...as if he was a little surprised to hear me say it.
He said..."im feeling too much. I dont know what to do..." and cried more. We sat in silence and i said, if its too much, then lets let it ride tonight. Not everything has to be figured out tonight. He seemed comforted by this...and calmed down. Finished the movie.
After, he kept hanging around to talk...about regular stuff. After the past few weeks of him not wanting my company he was sort of reaching out. When he hugged me goodnight...it was a long intense hug.
He is definitely processing some things...but, i am expecting he will be back in the tunnel tomorrow.
Before all this happened, i had been reading the threads on detachment!
