It's confusing trying to play a role you haven't had to play in over 20 years. I guess the funny thing is that when I'm with her I'm just enjoying myself, I'm not playing any role. We're just two people enjoying ourselves. I want that to continue whether once a week, twice a week or whatever. When she threw out the babysitting thing all my doubts and fears jumped up. I guess I just have to keep in mind what she said "we're fine, just relax" (damn I hate that word!lol). It's also the fact that I'm dealing with a different culture that has very different dating rituals. I'm used to dating three times and hitting the sack, being all over each other...and then it ends horribly. I'm not used to someone who blows me a kiss and gives me a hug and that's the best I'm gonna get for a long time. I'm not saying it's bad but the ruler I used to gauge my success with is far different right now. A friend of mine who has a Filipino spouse says that MM is very Filipino and playing this in a very Filipino way with all the teasing etc. Again, I'm at a disadvantage, it's not the same rule book I know.
You're right Barb, we don't know where this is going but in order to find out you have to spend time together. The babysitting thing threw me because I was just beginning to feel relaxed and confident that this thing was going in a good direction! MM told me last week "you think too much, take it easy my dear" She told me "things will happen when they happen, when the time is right." In our culture the right time is always NOW. OK, I'm done.
The things she is saying are very telling. And they all sound good. So - you either slow down and match her pace or you speed up and possibly push her away. You decide. Is she worth going slow for? Or do you want to rush it and have it end terribly? Obviously - you know the answer.
Ask yourself - is my life better today than it was last month? Again - you know the answer.
And I am guessing that as a single mom - she is trying to make ends meet and that the babysitting helps. It is not about you. She has to take care of her commitments first. That is admirable.
Give her a chance to settle into her new routine then ask her when she might be available to spend some time with you. If she wants things to progress - she'll make the time.
Now - I won't say the 5 letter word that starts with R and ends with X. Oh no - I have this overwhelming desire to play Scrabble! LOL!
Well put, Barb. Of course, I want it to go well. I know she wants to build up a rapport and a trust between us and do that slowly. This is a lady who got knocked up by her fiance and then found out that Mr. Wonderful was still married and living with his wife. She booted him, had the baby and raised him herself. Her boy is the pride and joy of her life. So, we've both got issues re R's. Part of my issue is since Voldemort dropped the big boot on me I have a side that is waiting for bad things to happen. It's like PTSD lol. So, again I have to r---x and recognize that and deal with it. Thanks again for your thoughts, always helpful. Btw, I did FB her and ask if she'd like to have lunch tomorrow but I did say "I know you're settling into a new routine so don't feel pressured. If you're up to it great, if not we'll do it another time." I thought a nice hour or two together would be fun, no 10 hour marathons like we've been doing! She has to go to work in the evening.
She'll be fine, thanks NH. I just chatted with MM and she said she'd like to pass on lunch this weekend as she's just getting used to this new schedule. She said "you spend the weekend with your daughters. We have lots of time ahead to be together" So I said "No problem. I understand it's a big change for you. So you take care of you right now. And yes indeed, we do have lots of time to be together. Ingat Ka (take care)."
So enough for this week. Wait until next week before you ask again. Because she will take it as "pressure". So when you hint at going out and she doesn't give you the answer you want. Drop it. Stick to what she CAN give. Don't guilt her into doing something if she is tired. Heck - this is a very tiring week for everyone. One of the busiest weeks of the year.
Frozen peas for the cheeks. Take the Ibuprofen. Second day is the worst for swelling and bruising. It gets way better after that.
Barb, I won't ask again this week! We'll just play it by ear, no pressure on her. I may just tell her to let me know when she has time, as you suggested and say "I'm willing to co-babysit!" lol. She's got a new job, a new schedule, new drugs and me, that's a lot for two weeks. I really liked that she said we have lots of time ahead to be together. It says "I'm still here" It gives me time to work on some new Tagalog phrases to throw at her! I'm sure we'll keep in touch daily like we have been doing. I'm cool. Btw, D17 is at home and everything went fine. She sounds great.
OMG, I just realized that I do have to pressure MM this week. Otherwise, who will pick my winners for me at the race track Sunday. Her picks won $20 for me last week! To hell with R, we're talking money here.
Hope things go well, Wii!