I ended up GAL'ing tonight. Despite the crummy weather we've been having (it was in the lower 60s and drizzling today), I met up with a group at a local bike shop and went for their Thursday night ride. This is only the second time I've been able to do this. Because of the weather, not too many people showed up. So we didn't break up into individual groups based on speed. TBH, I was a little intimidated. I was afraid I was not going to be able to keep up. The good news is I held my own. It actually worked out to be a nice ride, a little more challenging than I'm used to. We rode into the city, and there were several hills to navigate. Ended up being 25 miles, but again, a lot more challenging than usual. Got to meet a few new people as well.
The best part of all this is I didn't think about my situation the whole time.
I also missed seeing my W since she picked up my S after I left to go on the ride.
Another gray day here in my area of the country. I had a cub scout cookout planned for tomorrow. If that got cancelled, I was going to go on a kayaking trip with some men from my church. Both GAL'ing activities have fallen apart. I am left with not very much at all. I could go cycling tomorrow with the local cycling club, but my body's still going through a rebellion from all of the physical activity, and I just went for a ride last night. Maybe I can just use the downtime. There's always football this weekend, too.
I think it may be the gray skies, the cooler weather, and the GAL'ing cancellations, but I have missed my W as much as I have since she's moved out.
The road is hilly and covered with gravel. There are ups and downs, fast patches and slow patches. As long as you keep moving down the road, everything will work out in the long run.
Keep the faith, jb. You are miles down the road......
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
My W called me today at work. The convo was kind of a mixed bag. Overall, it was light and pleasant.
She started off by telling our S's teacher had email her about what was going on in his class. I told her I had also talked with the teacher. In summary, no really big issues right now. We got on the topic of something our S had done with one of his friends (won't get into details, it a crude boy thing) and we were both laughing pretty hard about that.
Later on in the conversation, she mentioned she is going to look at a house tomorrow. She mentioned she has been talking to a loan officer. She also mentioned that it's a little closer to where I am, but it's in a different school district. She said S could change schools if needed. This part of the convo set off some anxiety, some concern, and some anger. I think I may need to set a boundary as far as S changing schools, because I don't think that's going to solve anything. To date, I really haven't said anything - frankly, I didn't know how serious she is about it. I'm also curious where she's going to get this money to buy a house. Is she going to try to pressure me to re-fi so she can cash out on the equity? I will definitely have a boundary there. I will need to speak to an atty before I would do it, and I'd probably take all the time I can.
So far no draft D settlements yet, but then again it could in theory be any minute now. She last met with the atty 2 weeks ago to my knowledge.
Right now, I am not seeing any evidence that she's moving toward me.
I am still avoiding R talks with her. She seems to be avoiding them with me as well. A 180 may be to initiate a R talk - the only time we ever had them when we were still in the same house was when she brought up the D word.
My W stopped by today to pick up my S. It was another pleasant exchange. At least I know if she really wants to end this M we still have the capability to be civil to each other. The whole D thing just doesn't "feel" right to me. I complimented on her top, her jeans and her hair. I wasn't laying it on too thick so don't give me any 2x4s or pursuing penalty flags. She did look good tonight.
We briefly talked about the house she's looking at. I just listened, didn't try to steer her in any way. She did mention she may not be able to do it because the house hasn't been re-fi'd yet. I didn't take the bait. I said nothing to that comment. Actually, I may have been erring on the side of passive aggressive. :smrik:
No real GAL'ing plans tonight. I may end up getting a movie. My GAL'ing plans were busted for tomorrow. I haven't been able to get in touch with with golfing buddy. I may hang out at the local coffee shop for awhile tomorrow morning before football get cranked up. I will have my S tomorrow night so we'll tear it up somewhere together
I am still avoiding R talks with her. She seems to be avoiding them with me as well. A 180 may be to initiate a R talk - the only time we ever had them when we were still in the same house was when she brought up the D word.
jb, it just might be a good 180. You could always feel her out before getting in too far with the R talk.
One thing my H did say to me today was that so many of the things I said during our R talks kept running through his mind and then one day he realized, he couldn't ignore them any longer. And all the doubts he had about ending our M, suddenly didn't matter as much.
So maybe the WAS does listen sometimes. (Just a thought because my H isn't your W obviously, but they do seem to share some personality traits).
Oops, above I meant "doubts he had about our M", not ending it. Typo.
Oh, and I will mention at least one of the things that I can recall that apparently made a difference (because it's late and I need sleep) -- I validated his unhappiness and all his reasons. But added that even though I was also unhappy with our M as well, that I came to realize that I had not always acted with love or integrity, and that I could not honestly say that I had done everything in my power to save our M. And that I didn't want to look back in 5, 10, 20 years and have regrets, and always wonder if it could have been saved. He said that got to him eventually and he realized I was right.
It sounds like you are still on the right path. And maybe it wouldn't hurt to do a little probing regarding your R, but...
...there is always the chance your W would respond with something you don't want to hear. And that is the dilemma; do we avoid R talk so it does not cause us more pain and angst, or do we try to initiate it because we need to know where our spouses stand with everything? And will it just push them further away?
And...she might tell you only what she wants you to believe. That is what my W has been doing all along; feeding me what she wants me to believe so she can appear to be the hurt victim in all of this.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
I am left with not very much at all. I could go cycling tomorrow with the local cycling club, but my body's still going through a rebellion from all of the physical activity, and I just went for a ride last night. Maybe I can just use the downtime. There's always football this weekend, too.
- the only time we ever had them when we were still in the same house was when she brought up the D word.