I understand your letting the money situation go. Like you said, you have learned a valuable lesson. About trust, and being careful with your money. And, besides, when you discovered it missing, you reported to the proper authorities. Maybe the guilty culprit will be found, maybe not, probably not, but you did what you could by telling the hotel detective, and the police. So, letting that go is not a bad thing. If you have that much trust in your sister, then keep that trust, but never do that again. Let her cash her own checks.
I still think you need to initiate some contact with your H, however small. If you are really trying to change for the better, sustainable changes, shouldn't he see them sometime? Please try to get a positive mental attitude for yourself, I feel your feelings are so scattered. You have so many conflicting emotions rushing through you, that it seems you don't know which way to turn. And then, coming here, and feeling put down, even though nobody here wants you to feel that way. Nobody wants you to get divorced from your H, unless you decide you can no longer live the way things are, and want out of it. Your H's continual adultery is like a slap in your face every day. He may do nice things for you, but he is living with ow. I know that just kills you a bit inside whenever you think about it, which is often. You have to be able somehow, to make yourself stop thinking about it every moment, because he is showing no signs of wanting anything from you right now. Could that change? Who knows?
I think you should examine your life, go back and read your posts from 2007, and see where you are relative to that time. In some ways I can see a tiny difference, but not much. One thing is you kept saying, "I will file, if H does this or that". You also said your state doesn't have legal separation. Well, if you are where I think you are, I believe they have Marital Settlement Agreement, Interspousal Agreement, or Property Settlement Agreement, all without ever obtaining a D. You may be able to file a complaint with the Superior Court of *** ****** seeking custody, support, alimony or all three without also filing for a D. They also have a Divorce from Bed and Board, which is similar to a legal separation, but not a divorce. Check with the bar in your state, to see if there is some other way to protect yourself, and get regular support. I could be wrong, but check it out. I really wish for the best for you, but you have to start doing some really clear thinking for yourself.
