Actualy, it did make it a bit easier to know that alcohol triggered his bi-polar condition. I don't think he would have done these things had he been "himself" -- but I'll never know for sure. There were times during those 6 years when he wasn't drinking and he would call me in a rational state of mind. He was his old self and talked about reconciling, but the next time he called he might be spewing venom and being hateful again. I never knew what to expect.
What I think is interesting is that his bi-polar condition mimicked the behavior of MLC. Do all MLCers become temporarily bi-polar?
When he talks about his behavior during those dark 6 years, he doesn't really have an answer. He just wishes he could go back and make different choices. He did tell me that he never loved the OW. When I asked him once about why he stayed with her so long, he said she paid him a lot of attention and made him feel important. (What he didn't say is that she liked to drink and that gave him a ready excuse to stay drunk most of the time)!
If I didn't make him feel important, I guess after 20+ years of marriage, it's easy to get comfortable and take each other for granted. Maybe I'm guilty of that, but it wasn't reason for him to go off the deep end and ruin our lives. He never gave me any warning that he was unhappy or that he was having an affair. We should have been able to sit down and talk out our problems. He says that he sees that now. At the time, he just wanted to drink, spend money without being accountable, and just live for himself.
Well, he did but he also paid a high price for that decision.
He has told me repeatedly during the past 6 years - except when he was drunk and talking trash - that I am the only woman he ever loved. He is still saying it. I believe him. He's also the only man I have ever loved, but I don't know if I can get past it.
Like W2S said, "best buds" might be the way to go right now.
