I'm assuming that most of you won't be surprised but there's an ow. The piece of crap called our house because she wanted to, and I quote,"Share the pain" because H broke up with her.
Apparently, H first broke up with her after he bombed me in April, but since he made no effort to move out, she threatened him. So the idiot kept seeing ow to keep her quiet. Gee, how nice of him to protect me.
So this back and forth thing for the past 5 months has been because he claims he realized after reading all the Marriage books, that perhaps there was some hope for our M. But because of her threats, he's been scared it was going to all come tumbling down and he kept going back and forth.
He said he knew I wouldn't forgive him if I found out about the A because during one of our R talks, I said an A was a dealbreaker. So he was desperately trying to figure out how to stay in the M without telling me about it, but then was tormented by his guilt.
It was a bad scene and I'm still in shock about how it went down.
When I confronted H about who this woman was, he said I can't do this anymore and started spilling his guts but neither of us realized our D16 had come downstairs. She overheard him say he was having an affair. She screamed and I turned around. She ran upstairs and I followed, and found her sobbing on the floor of her room. I tried to comfort her and told her to please stay upstairs with S7. She was distraught and screaming, "I can't believe daddy has a girlfriend!" S7 came flying our of his room and I tried to stop them, but they both ran downstairs and confronted H.
It was awful and I can't believe H blew apart our family like that. I'm still in complete shock. D16 was screaming at H and asking him how he could do this and I think she called him a pig or a sleazebag. It's all a blur but it was beyond horrible.
S7 was crying and begging me not to divorce his daddy and screaming at H not to leave us and to break up with his girlfriend.
I felt light-headed and kept repeating to the kids, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" and hugging them and trying to get them to go upstairs, and they just kept crying and saying, "It's not your fault, Mommy It's not your fault."
H was lying on the floor weeping and D16 screamed something about why was he crying?! I've never seen her that angry before...
H started seeing this piece of garbage ow in 2010 and it went on for 5 months, then he ended it. He started it up again in January, thought he was in love with her and that's when he tried to end our M in April. He said he was surprised when I didn't want the marriage to end because he didn't think I loved him anymore. That's when he started reading R books.
He said this made him realize that he loved me and wanted our M, but didn't know how it could work because of everything that had happened, and his guilt over the A. He said he tried to tell me numerous times about the A but couldn't get up the nerve. So he'd end it with me again because he said it felt hopeless. Then go back to her, realize it didn't feel right and end it again. Then ow would make threats to call me again.
So he's been bombing ow continuously too. Well, at least he's consistent.
When he read, "Hold Onto Your NUTS" last week, that's when he realized he'd been an angry, pathetic, immature boy and he was deeply ashamed, so he ended it with her for good and hasn't seen her in two weeks. He said he knew he had to tell me eventually and that he couldn't even look at her anymore without feeling disgust and guilt. This is why she called our home.
This woman lives with her H and her children (although, she told my H her marriage was over) and I can't believe a married woman with children would call my house to "share the pain".
H claims he started this A to hurt me. He was angry and purposely sought out another woman because he didn't believe I truly loved him. I do admit I was probably reading my Contemplating Divorce book at that time, and was very distant. He said he justified it all by saying he hated me for not loving him.
I'm numb. If it wasn't for our kids, I would have thrown him out last night but I couldn't add anything else to their pain, or to the drama.
We've been up all night talking. Yes, he's remorseful and said he should have read that NUTS book a year ago and then none of this would have ever happened, but I have a hard time believing anything that's coming out of his annoying vacillating mouth right now.
I asked him IF he realized he loved me after the first bomb, then why didn't he just end it with her and tell me then, and save me these last 5 months of torment? He says it wasn't about her after that, it was about protecting me and the kids.
He claims he has no desire to ever be in a relationship with her, and even if I divorce him, he will not be with her because she's a low life to even consider calling our home. (She's a low life to even have an affair with a married man while she's married but THAT didn't seem to occur to him).
He says he hates her and himself for what they've done to our family and plans to call her later and tell her to F off, and to never call our home again. He said I can be in the room and listen to their conversation. Ugh.
The sight of him makes me ill right now and I can't even process this fully right now. My heart keeps telling me it's not happening but I know it is...
