Wife is having MLC & I am not sure what to do...

[Willing1]

Jbnati, Thank you. I have to tell you (well, maybe I don't have to tell you since you already know this) but....it is so tempting to want to explain that I am not as bad off as some of those other people. See, I am not that far down the road or maybe I am not suffering from unhealthy attachment 'as bad as' some of those other people. I am reminded of that saying, "there are no degrees of pregnancy." Either you are or your aren't. OK, fine....I am.

Great, now what? Even as I sit here wanting to explain how much better things are at the house (and they are better), I am also wondering if it would help my W if I boiled that chicken in the refrigerator that she was going to use for a meal. You know, maybe if I could just take away a little of her stress by 'helping' with the house clean up, cooking, errands, anything that I can possibly do....maybe that would fix it. It's not like I think the household chores are hers to do, we both work and share in most everything - we divide up work where it makes sense, so this isn't a matter of doing 'her' work....but more a matter of me trying to 'fix' this situation. My attempts, obviously, did not (have not) worked. I get the whole, 'doing the same things over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity' deal. I guess I am saying that as much as I don't want to identify with the 'attachment' label, I am attached in an unhealthy way to my W. I have already found out how difficult it is to be a grown up, apply healthy detachment behaviors, and really be a good friend without pulling away, pouting, showing her my grand efforts, and showing her my pain. It is hard to do the right thing, expect nothing in return, and do it just because it is the 'right thing' to do.

I have my list of things to do....try an old hobby, start a new hobby, grow, explore, touch base with old friends, make a few new 'appropriate friends'....I get it. The days, fortunately, are not feeling as long as they were...time doesn't seem to be my enemy as bad as it was. I am very fortunate that my W shared with me that she responds well to Touch and Time. So, now, I rub her back and neck at night prior to going to sleep which helps fill both our emotional buckets and during the day, I try to just listen and not 'suggest' to her anything. Oddly enough, sex is better than ever and I am not complaining about that. The combination of intimacy and non-sexual touching (massage) has helped more than I can say. We both recognize that we are 'almost unable' to mess up those two items. I am sure we could mess them up if we really tried. Ha

OK - I am going to read my book, make a plan for the day, and GAL. It's a start. Thank you again for the suggestions, for listening, and for being there. I never ever thought I would be doing any of this stuff. When you all say that this can be a blessing and that you came out of it stronger than you went in to it, I struggle to really believe that but I have proved that I don't know much of anything any more. I could probably fit everything that I really know about this situation into a thimble. Perhaps admitting I don't know is a good start.

Have a great day.....I am going to try.

Mike