I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. The pain is still very fresh for you and it will take time to work through your feelings and heal.
You are seeing a mean and callous side to your X that you probably didn't know existed. The OW is fueling that venom, but he is ultimately responsible for his actions. Also, spendng lots of money is typical.
My H went on a spending frenzy when he first left. Most of it was spent on himself and the OW. He also built a house for the two of them (now long gone to foreclosure). The first few months were the worst as far as his hatefulness toward me. He blamed me for everything, but he needed that excuse to justify his bad behavior.
You said that you've been nothing but nice to your X. I don't think he deserves it right now. Some people disagree, but I think MLCers as a whole lose respect for us (hence the word "doormat") when we're too nice or accomodating. I don't think you are that at all, but I'm just saying that's often their perception. My H responded much more positively toward me when I stood up to him and/or he thought I was GAL without him.
Now that he's out of MLC, there are no more games between us. We are nice to each other. He has been extremely remorseful for all that he did. He is offering to help me financially, as best that he can.
You are young and that's a huge advantage. Things are rough now but they will get better. It's a whirlwind for you currently, but more clarity will come in time. You are in my thoughts and prayers that you have a wonderful life ahead of you.
