I haven't read all of your thread but events have happened pretty quickly for you. It's understandable that you are still reeling from the shock of it all. I was blindsided when it happened to me and I didn't get my bearings for a long time. We were separated for 2 years before the D so it's happening even quicker for you.
I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice because my sitch was different than most but there are a few things that I'm pretty sure of. I think if there is much interaction by the WAS toward the LBS, there are still unresolved feelings. If someone truly is done with their spouse, it is not shown via hateful words but by indifference.
My H wavered between loving me and hating me during the two years we waited to get divorced. He was not done with our M and even said so in one conversation. I agreed with him on one point -- he said "I think we need to get divorced and get re-married again when the dust has settled". He was right about that because our original M was over. There was too much hurt and pain to resume the same M. It needed to be mourned and buried. If we were (are) to resume a R, it needs to be a fresh start.
If your D happens, it will hurt but it won't be the end of the world. If there are still unresolved feelings on her part, she will eventually come to terms with them and will contact you. It will be up to you if you want to start a new life with her. Stay strong and stay positive.
