Yes, I think she is trying to tell me things that she has wanted too for a while.
When we talk about the past and the issues my drinking caused, she keeps saying, "I told you to get help", " I tried to help you", but at that time I wasn't listening.
The difference now is, I am listening, so yes she is telling me more, she feels comfortable telling me about the problems I caused, as I don't try and give an excuse, I now take ownership of them, I apologise and promise not to do them, DRINK!!, again.
Your comments on absolutes are well meaning and correct, but I know that drinkers fall off the wagon, and I know in any relationship there can be hurt, but I cannot have a mental state, that I'm open to possibly drinking in the future, I can't and I won't, I hate what alchohol has done to me and my children, and cannot expose them and myself to that again.
We spoke a few days ago about my drinking and us as a couple, she said that all couples argue, its normal, and they have conflict, which relates to what you are saying about absolutes, but she then added the difference with us was that through my drinking, I would become nasty and aggressive in the arguement, and that is what caused the hurt and got me where I am now.
So my comments of never hurting her in the future are relating to the hurt, the aggression, the nasty, spiteful person drink made me, and I do make a promise to her, my kids, and to me, that he is gone and not coming back!!!!
I'm going to be the person who she wants to be with, I'm already the person my kids want to be with, thats a great start for me, I'm going to be the person her friends and family all comment about how I've changed, how calm and settled I seem, how good I look, how healthy I look.
She will already be noticing all these things, she has told me already that she is, but when others do, and when others tell her, then she might start to believe that these changes are real and are not just a show for her.
I am slowly becoming a person that I like, and not the person I hated at times for the things I said or done. I don't carry aggression around with me, I'm happy and healthy.
I go to the gym and work hard, I come away tired, but feeling great. I wake up without a headache or feeling tired through drink, my body aches, but thats through the gym!!
I'm losing weight and toning up, she has already commented on that. I can fit into jeans that she bought me 12 years ago again!!!
We had a very powerful and deep love, we found each other very attractive, we couldn't keep our hands off each other, this was still the case up until about 6months before we split.
She looks at me now, and I know she is checking me out, she looks at me at times when we are talking, and I know she is finding me attractive.
So all me changes are for the better, I have to work on my mental state, and I have to work on my physical state, and with these changes, love, and a rekindled friendship with her, we have a real chance.
There are no definates in this, but there is hope.
