Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[25yearsmlc]

Again from 25 -- (i really need to learn how to quote properly)

Instead of pushing the "reply" button to post, click on "quote" and then you can post where you want around or in the quote. (But use different font or color)

B/c the teenage behavior of your w isn't your fault. IN a way I'm glad you see that behavior w/ the texting excessively, b/c you know what, there's NO way that is YOUR fault


yes, this recent behavior is a very very very different behavior from my W of 13 years.... She had friends when we met = a few good ones. But over the years she seemed to see them less and less.... Until the last couple of months W always told me "I just don't really like people anymore" --didn't seem to want friends. Said she was around people all day and didn't want to be around them any more at the end of the day....blah blah blah.... and I believed her. (She is a C and has to hear some horror stories all day!)

She's got a really good personality - people just love her. She's kind, generous, a good listener, and very caring.

She says now that I made her feel as if she couldn't have friends, so she didn't. (I have explained and owned that earlier in my thread. I was jealous, came across as controlling when i didn't even KNOW what I was doing was controlling. Live and learn so much!)

But yes, this newfound incessant teenage texting, constant contact... Carrying the phone everywhere, even to put S4 to bed.... I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel if I'd been able to grow faster...she wouldn't have looked elsewhere for emotional comfort. I really did try, but too slow she says

She says she has emotional needs that I haven't been able to meet -- intellectual that I am .... this has indeed come up during the past years, but like i said, she told me as recently as the last (and i do mean LAST) R talk the other night how much progress I've made....emotionally how i've grown.

W: I just can't sit here and wait 5 years or so for you to catch up to me. OW is way ahead of even me emotionally.

PPPLLLLEEEEAAASSSSEEEE^^^more cliched Alien spew...blah blah blah...BORED NOW!! Please, tell her to at least be original! (Just kidding. Say nothing of the sort, merely think it...)

So apparently OW is giving her this 'effortless' emotional connection.

Oh btw, this ^^ is temporary crap. And I seriously doubt the intellectual that you are, is something that OW can match, and missing that will be a drag down the road if your w is a smartypants too. That "still waters run deep" only goes so far. At some point your w will want that VERBAL connection too and when OW babbles stupidly or has that blank stare, your w will start wondering what the heck she has done.


I'm kind of p!ssed at this because my emotional growth has been something I've really made an effort at and been very proud of -- and now leaving me instead of waiting for me to 'catch up' to her. Bleahhh.

Stop rushing your expectations. And who said your w is ahead of YOU?

Remember, you are the one who has grown/is growing.

Your w wanting to leave the R is no indication of growth...you doing this work IS.

Let's hope SHE can catch up to YOU!