Hi JB, did you ask your S about the bullying specifically? As an outsider looking in it does seem to me like this is him acting out, maybe partially because of school, partially your sitch. Do you talk to him much about that?
Generally speaking it seems like men are 'fixers' and women are 'venters'- I know this was something my H and I had issues with. I would try to just vent about whatever and he immediately started telling me how to fix it. But all I wanted to do was get it off my chest. Not saying this is how you are, I have no idea and you seem like an amazing dad. Is there any possibility your S is more comfortable venting to your W?
I do agree with you on switching schools- bad message to send a kid, to cut and run if things get tough. If he was in danger that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
