Its good to know that I'm not the only one struggling financially. My ex-partner (we were commonlaw spouses but moved to a non-commonlaw state about three years ago) makes a huge salary - comfortable six figures. I make less than $20K a year. He was always so financially responsible, he said "I'll always take care of you", blah, blah, blah. I worked and worked while he went to grad school, then I changed jobs frequently for his constant job relocations. In the 20 years we were together I never had asked for any control over our finances but I always contributed my full paycheck to our mutual bills. I never asked for anything either. I got one pair of shoes a year - from Payless. I remember being so grateful for that...saying "Thank you!" even though it was a credit card bill that I paid. My sister took me to a beauty salon when I turned 33 as a birthday gift. It was the first time I had ever been.
Then, out of the blue, MLC hit and he left with everything. Just went AWOL. Left me with bills I could never pay. Our house is on the market. I've moved to a rented room...just one room. He took all our savings and bought a house worth over 5x as much as the one we lived in, and now he lives there with the OW. He says his therapist and the OW said he owes me "nothing" (I don't think a therapist would actually say that - unless she got some incredibly skewed version of our relationship). Ex-P ays he worked harder and so its all his. I don't understand what happened. I NEVER, EVER asked for anything. He said I could have made something of myself (he's probably right) but all the while we were together he seemed proud of the work I did - I put myself through school one course at a time, I was valedictorian, and had two part-time jobs. Plus, even though I earned a lot less that him, I put everything I earned into our mutual bills while he saved and saved his money in his personal checking account. I never asked why we always had to live so far beneath our means but now I wonder if all along he was planning to leave with everything - he had well over 150K in his savings account when he left.
This man was always uber-responsible. He was a tightwad but always made a big deal about taking care of me forever. He was the LAST man on earth I would have expected to do this - just go AWOL. I've lost weight on the 'divorce diet' but also because money is so tight. I'm ashamed of having so little. I'm ashamed of people at work noticing that I don't eat lunch, I'm ashamed of having to rely on public internet when I have to send emails for work. I'm ashamed that by the end of the week there is sometimes only coins left, and sometimes not that. I'm tired of eating PB sandwiches for dinner. I miss eating fruit, delicious fruit. I miss a kitchen to cook in. I miss being able to rent a movie for a $1. I'm tired of not even being able to afford to go to the laundrymat. I used to have my own wash machine and dryer and I loved doing laundry and keeping the house nice. I hate living in a room. I miss cooking in a kitchen.
He crushed me so badly that I think no one will ever want me again. I'm a woman in my 30s who now lives in a room. Who would want that? Who could ever respect me?
Did your Ex-H know how he left you with nothing, financially-speaking? Did he show any guilt for what he was doing? My ex-partner is literally a different person than he was. He is spending like crazy on himself and OW. Why did WE always have to do without, and now he spends and spends. After he left, he came back when I wasn't around and even took back gifts I had received from him and family members over the years. Not that they were valuable - just CDs and books - but its like he was determined to leave me with NOTHING, which is what he did.
I'm so confused. Its cruel. Its vindictive and its so uncalled for because I've been nothing but nice. I can't understand why he feels such bitterness that he would take the few things I had left to my name...even my personal possessions?
So I guess I just want to know if your Ex-H knows how you've suffered because of him. I want to know if he knows WHAT HE HAS DONE? Does he understand? Is he remorseful for his actions or just sorry he lost you?
Does he know what he has been forgiven for? Does he understand the amazing grace you are showing by even taking his calls?
These are things I would consider before letting this man back into your life - even as a friend. Friends don't do what he did to you.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
