Still feel rather out-of-sorts, but overall had a good day today. Got some things done around the house. Getting ready to do some inside painting this weekend.
Have I mentioned that my pregnant ( due in December) youngest daughter and her 4 year old moved in with me about 3 weeks ago? It's sort of put a crimp in my style, so to speak, but nothing too awful. Just hard to move my stuff in around her stuff in garbage bags!
Weather is cool, arts & crafts fairs are starting up this weekend. The local ones, anyway. Just take it day by day.
Today is the 10th Anniversery of the bombing of the twin towers. You can't turn on the TV, radio, look at a paper, etc without being reminded of it. Our ministeer today reminded us that just as our grandparents remember FDR's Pearl Harbor Day Address " A day that will live in infamy"; so is 9/11 our generation's day of Infamy. We may not remember where we were when Elvis died, when John Lennon was murdered, but we will remember where we where, the crisp Fall morning when all our illusions of safety were destroyed.
As LBS's we all often try to pinpoint a day when their marriage started to turn. For me, it was this day. For a variety of reasons that would be too long to list, my XH, being Army, woke up to a new world after that day, and me along with it. I don't know if being able to pinpoint the hour, the day, the month, and the year makes me luckier than anyone else. It is perhaps more a curse than a blessing. How many of us get to turn a finger of blame on an entire religion? LOL
Notwithstanding, it stands to remind me of people who had so much worse things happen to them that day than just a broken relationship. True, it was a long, slow death, but I'm still alive, still moving on, and still able to count my blessings. The long the short of it is that we LBS' are perhaps lucky in a sense that only time and distance reveals to us. That is what MY generation of MLC survivors are beginning to see. Our own rebirth. For the new members, although the pain is so very real, seemingly almost more than you can bear, there will come a time when, whether you and your spouse reconcile or not, you will be able to look at this as one of life's richest learning experiences.
Punkin, a number of posters over the years have commented that 9/11 was a crucial day for their MLCer. One I remember h's was a firefighter at the scene.
I think it had an effect on my xh - his brother was a near miss. it certainly changed teh outlook of many people. As you say, we are still alive.
Marriage to the OW is a fantasy not a reality. Time will eventually destroy their sand castle and I wish you a front row seat to the mess he has made in his life. He has blatant disregard for the purity of marriage and has no clue what it means.
I am waiting for my ex to do the same..
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
As LBS's we all often try to pinpoint a day when their marriage started to turn. For me, it was this day. For a variety of reasons that would be too long to list, my XH, being Army, woke up to a new world after that day, and me along with it. I don't know if being able to pinpoint the hour, the day, the month, and the year makes me luckier than anyone else. It is perhaps more a curse than a blessing. How many of us get to turn a finger of blame on an entire religion? LOL
punkin,
I was just catching up on your thread and I had to comment on this...I live in the mid-west and quite frankly didn't know anyone on the east coast at the time or had family in the military, so I can't even imagine the significance 9/11 had on you. It was horrifing for me as a regular american watching it unfold. You were the wife of a military man and the event changed your life completely.
It so amazes me the real life significance 9/11 had on so many that went beyond actually being at the towers the day it happened. it reminds me of skipping a stone across the lake - the ripple affect goes on and on. just like 9/11.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Punkin, I can only imagine how you feel/felt when XH married OW. Here is the thing…. In a nutshell, stop thinking about it. Stop trying to understand the why’s. Accept, that he is batchit crazy right now and really is no longer (at least not now) the same man. You are a spunky strong women and I would love to see you focus more on you and your plans…i.e. where is the next vacation, how is the new places coming along, how are the grandkids? Based on your thread title….you are swimming just fine. How was your weekend?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks everyone for their comments and concern. I've know for quite some time that the long reaching effects of 9/11 were far more than financial. Eric, my weekend was good. I painted my fireplace, and the color really makes the wallpaper POP. Now I've got to do the same to the dining room and have library panels/wainscoting cut for the bottom of the walls below the chair rail. I think it will look quite elegant with my paper plates. Really, I'm not feeling down, and not as dumbfuddled as I was when I first heard. The end result was the same. He hurt - correction, he let HER hurt our daughters, and therefore our grandchildren. D33 defriended him AGAIN and also did the same for grandson 10. She says, they don't need that sh!t. When you pull up his FB page, you get a picture of HER. Go figure.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Happy to hear about the decorating. I can only imagine that if your sense of style is a snazzy as your "wit" then it must all be "popin". LOL.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Almost let my emotions get the best of me this afternoon. D25 told me she had text convo with XH, who still persisted in pushing her to come up and meet with him and his new wife. When D25 resisted, that she wasn't comfortable, he was angry and said again, as he always does, "If you only knew". Knew what? That I spent 20 years of my life supporting a man who has no appreciation at all? That I did the best I could for him at all times? Made me want to pick up the phone and go off on him, but I didn't. I resisted. "If you only knew" is his only answer. There is no story behind it. It just hurt my feelings to be reminded of how little he thinks of me and our R together.
