Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[aeolianchaos]

so I figured WTF (literally).

This cracked me up!

The changes I enjoy most? Ironically, those I have been least consistent in applying. GALing - it gives me permission to actually do something to please myself, rather than frantically trying to figure out what I should be doing to make things better at home.

You mention that you enjoy those activities the most, but I think what I'm probing for here is to get you to reflect on the level of satisfaction, pleasure, relief, benefits, etc.. of your changes and how they benefit you personally. I'd especially be interested to know about changes you might make that lead to you liking yourself or respecting yourself more.

When you talk about being good at extremes, but struggling with balance and moderation. Can you consider the metaphor of a Zero Center Meter, with the needle in the middle? And your responses or reactions kind of move that needle?

This could be applied to other things, like what kind of effort you are applying to a situation. In the middle is the correct effort. To the left and right are too little and too much. Much like the needle on a meter, it often takes some wiggling back and forth and adjustment before it hits center.

Sometimes I think about the left and right sides of the needle reflecting the L and R sides of my brain - if my desire is to move towards homeostasis, I would kind of want the needle to be in the middle.. I guess poking me in the corpus callosum. Might be worth thinking about.

If you ever played Madden, I think the Field Goal kicking gauges would also work as a metaphor.

First, last evening W said to me she couldn't look at a website she usually likes to see, because...she stopped, looking for the word. I threw in a suggestion, and she got really annoyed, telling me that she can't say anything without my finishing a sentence for her, and why don't I just listen. I apologized, and I thought that was it.

Is it possible that for your W, there is more to this than you just finishing her sentence?

The fact that she got as upset as she did about it suggests to me that it might have triggered some other frustrations that she struggles to express with you.

I find it interesting that you acknowledge that perhaps your apologies serve a different purpose than simply reflecting an insight that you did something that you regret or have remorse for. Do you think that your W perceives them this way as well?

Do you think that its possible to get insight into your W's response to you finishing her sentences without it becoming another argument? How important is it for you to understand WHY she got upset in the way that she did?

What would it change for you if you had that information?

Hope I didn't creep anybody out typing that here.

Sex (or the absence thereof for some of us) is a big part of life for most adults. I don't think there is anything creepy in what you wrote.

I will second Endeavor's recommendation of Passionate Marriage - it is a wonderful book and it will definitely expand your concept of sex and sexuality. I think you'll especially like his use of sex as a window into other aspects of the relationship.

The fact that your W really wanted to *bleep* and was willing to state so directly and ask for the sex she wanted is kind of interesting. I think that if you read Passionate Marriage, you might see that there is potentially a lot to applaud about her actions. it may be that in going through that discomfort and experiencing it, that you both have an opportunity to grow in some way.

You certainly aren't nuts for looking at it and wondering what it meant. It's possible that it really was only a question of physical urges - the 'meat' model of sexuality. On the other hand, she chose to wake you and ask you to participate as opposed to having sex alone.

You really can't know what is going on in her head ( this is a function of life, not Aspergers..). It's even possible that she has fantasies and desires that she feels uncomfortable sharing with you because of your importance to her. This is not uncommon.

You say "especially from someone who has never looked at sex like that" but you can't actually know the myriad ways she may look at sex but never tells anyone about.

What you thought of the experience is interesting - do you think its possible that F**King could possess emotional depth in its own way? (Again.. Passionate Marriage explores this far more competently)

What would make it creepy?