25years, thank you so much for sharing all of this...it is so helpful and i appreciate it.
It has been somewhat difficult to do 180s and gal here. I cant drive myself due to optic neuritis (ms). H takes me everywhere. When i did have my neighbor come and get me...he did follow me out to kiss me goodbye and acted concerned, then come to find out he was using that opportunity to write ow when i was gone.
I know this is going to sound pathetic, but i dont know how to become the woman he would be a fool to leave, and i'm feeling so low right now because he told me today he loves me because im our d's mother, and has feelings but he is not passionately or deeply in love.
I dont know what to do to change his mind. I do need to work on me, i do need to gal more, but being in the mountains with no way to take off and drive makes it hard. I honestly think if i leave anyway he wont miss me.
I know i sound lame and really a sad person. He is not interested in me anymore. Knowing he wants to pursue other women makes me feel like there is no hope for me. This is also going to sound crazy but i fear that being apart from him will only solidify his feelings of wanting to be free, but if i make myself more available to him then that's just more of the same. I want to be careful about pulling back because in the past i have done this and dont want to create more problems.
You are right, it is all about him. Every day. I walk on egg shells. I am sweet and pleasent, i dont rock the boat. I try to not cry in front of him....doesnt always happen. He did tell me today he doesnt want to discuss r every day, as it makes him feel more miserable.
At this point its as if im trying to be perfect, act right, try to say and do the right things. Been doing this for nearly 2 months and he still wants out. I dont know what to do differently.
I look like hell, and i cant stand the taste of food. He must look at me as some sad little woman. I hate that. He told me he sees me as my caretaker! Not an equal partner he has passion for. I cant make the ms symptoms go away.
I know i am whiney today. Feeling sorry for myself. I am trying to dig deep and coming up empty.
If he doesnt love me, why does he want to go to counseling. He is saying he is open to the possibility of making us work, but inside he said he feels done with me and wants to move on.
Thanks for "listening". I feel lucky to have this space to vent. Here, at least i feel safe.
