need guidance! My H is doing a lot of work on himself I think. I posted a month ago that H was sending me texts saying things like "you don't talk to me like you used to" (I was detaching). He says I love you in text messages and in person everytime I see him. He texts me that he keeps thinking about all of the damage that he has done and all of the people he has hurt. He is sincere when he says he is sorry - which is almost everyday.
When I went to Boston, my H was supposed to attend his 20 year HS reunion. He decided at the last minute to bring his girlfriend. It is a 5 hour drive. 1 hour into the drive, he turned the truck around and drove back home! He said he just couldn't introduce her to all of his friends and family. that even though they live together, she has never met anyone of any significance to him. No kids, family or long-time friends. He thought that if he goes through with bringing her with him - that is it. no going back.
so he turned around and didn't attend his 20 year class reunion. My H was loved by everyone in high school - Mr. Popularity in High School. star football and basketball player. gorgeous . funny. nice to everyone. class clown.
I was so sad for him that because of his choices or better yet - LACK of choices. he missed something important in his life that he will never get back.
But he finally made an ACTION. he didn't stand still and have others make the decisions for him. He turned the truck around and came home. I don't want to give him full credit for this action, his girlfriend I think was terrified to meet family and friends. She is 10 years younger than us and from what I have been told a very meek personalitly. but it was still significant in thier relationship.
So I get back from Boston, H is texting that he loves me and I am not replying at all. He responds with "what? no I love you 2?" my only response to him was that we need to talk.
Yesterday he came to the house in the morning to talk. I told him that I discovered 3 things recently about what is really important to me.
I did what PEI told me. I sat in the dark and dug deep. Really deep. and I asked myself what I want, and this is what I discovered:
1. I want the man in my life to love me and only me
2. I want to be Plan A - not Plan B. I don't want someone with me because it is easier or the "right thing to do". I am no ones backup plan.
3. I am really truly happy exactly the way I am. Without him.
I told him these things. and then he looked at me and said, "OW and I broke up. We r done."
I said, "I don't believe you"
He showed me a text from her that read, "It is finally sinking in. I feel soo bad."
(this could mean anything really and I said this to him)
He looked me straight in the eye and said - TAMF, it is over.
I told him that (because of our money situation and trying to sell the house) that if he chose to move home, I would go to my parents across the street when he was home. I don't need him anymore, I am happy without him and that if he wanted me back he was going to have to win me back.
He said he understood. I told him to think about all of this and don't start something unless he really understands my 3 guidelines.
He agreed.
This morning he was at work and sent me a text that read:
you def brought up some interesting points yesterday. & its all I can think about.
my reply:
so talk to me. tell me what you are thinking good or bad i am just glad you u r putting a lot of thought into ur situation.
He texts:
I know now your in a place that is good. Do I F@*k that up? I know you will be ok? Can i get through this time frame where I won't be with OW? & once again my girls.
my reply: all resonable thoughts...
He texts (this one blew me away and made me smile so big!):
I know. through this whole thing I have never heard you talk the way you did yesterday. Please please do not take this the wrong way but you seemed like that strong woman I knew you were & could be without me. The plans you have made. the way you were going to approach life. I just never heard that before. Im not sayin you life revolved around me but yesterday you impressed me.
can I just say, WOW! one more time?! See I did it! I made the changes for myself and it shows! God I feel good. Our converstation turned to the kids and he said that he loves how we are such good friends now. Something we never had before.
Anyway, I am in unfamiliar territory! I would just like some feedback. This is confusing as heck.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
good or bad i am just glad you u r putting a lot of thought into ur situation.