time and distance

[any chance?]

Quite the metaphor, but I get the point. If it is already over, it can't get any worse.

Working on retraining my thought process. Today is a new day, right?

[2stepboogie]

Everyday is a new day. Your future right now is a blank screen, after years of having a perfect picture already drawn out, like someone came and just wiped the erase dry board clean.

You have two options

1. Mourn the loss of the wiped image
2. Create a new one that can be anything you want

Sounds easy right?

It is not. It is painful and hard but it is the only option you have. Going forward things will seem out of place and you will go in waves from heartbroken and anger to disbelief and shock.

Those feelings will become less and less painful for you.

The distance is a curse and a blessing.

[any chance?]

I am finding it is very difficult to seperate the two options, and that they are strongly intertwined. I do realize, however, that option #1 needs to fade as option #2 becomes stronger through time.

Part of me just wishes it was over now, so I would have the final certainty. It is the limbo that keeps option #1 hanging around. But of course the other part of me hangs onto the shred of hope that there will be a turning point at some time and W will let the fog lift. But I cannot let my life be guided by faint hopes and dreams, now can I?

[2stepboogie]

At this point I don't know that you, or anyone else, can separate the two.

Your anger, pride, ego whatever you want to call it wishes it was over now but I assure you any rush to a decision by either party will end badly for the both of you.

We all want to rush the finale but unfortunately we can't.

I hear the limbo described a lot and it is often attached to the word hope but after thinking about this over and over I am not entirely sure I see the two as connected.

Hope is a funny word we use, and we use it to describe many things.

1. An excuse to hold on

2. An excuse to be miserable

3. An excuse to wait

4. An excuse to look at the phone a thousand times a day

An excuse for just about anything.; Hope is not the feeling that keeps you from moving forward but rather it should be the driving force that catapults you in the direction of healing.

We tie our current frame of mind to how much hope we have in any given moment, when we have hope we feel strong and we have the outlook that we can save this thing.

When we don't we feel fragile, weak, and depressed.

I have a lot of hopes in my life

I hope to one day win the lottery

Do I weep whenever someone else does?

Do my plans revolve around winning?

Does it affect my day to day activities?

No to all of the above....

I simply play, hope to win but my attitude or demeanor does not change one bit.

In reality this is no different although I understand it is a simplistic approach, the principle is the same.

Having hope does not mean you stop living or keep your life on neutral waiting for someone to tell you it is ok to drive or waiting for that light to turn green.

You can have hope as you acknowledge your reality.

Now of course, nobody likes admitting that they’re fat, that they’re broke, that they’ve chosen the wrong career or that their marriage is falling apart. But admitting such truths is an absolute necessity if you want to grow and improve. It might feel like you’re taking a few steps backward by doing so, but you can view that retreat as the pull-back on a sling shot: you’re just setting yourself up to make significant progress down the road.


Keep the hope but do not use it as a crutch to keep from moving forward.


2step

[Denver_2010]

At this point I don't know that you, or anyone else, can separate the two.

Your anger, pride, ego whatever you want to call it wishes it was over now but I assure you any rush to a decision by either party will end badly for the both of you.

We all want to rush the finale but unfortunately we can't.

I hear the limbo described a lot and it is often attached to the word hope but after thinking about this over and over I am not entirely sure I see the two as connected.

Hope is a funny word we use, and we use it to describe many things.

1. An excuse to hold on

2. An excuse to be miserable

3. An excuse to wait

4. An excuse to look at the phone a thousand times a day

An excuse for just about anything.; Hope is not the feeling that keeps you from moving forward but rather it should be the driving force that catapults you in the direction of healing.

We tie our current frame of mind to how much hope we have in any given moment, when we have hope we feel strong and we have the outlook that we can save this thing.

When we don't we feel fragile, weak, and depressed.

I have a lot of hopes in my life

I hope to one day win the lottery

Do I weep whenever someone else does?

Do my plans revolve around winning?

Does it affect my day to day activities?

No to all of the above....

I simply play, hope to win but my attitude or demeanor does not change one bit.

In reality this is no different although I understand it is a simplistic approach, the principle is the same.

Having hope does not mean you stop living or keep your life on neutral waiting for someone to tell you it is ok to drive or waiting for that light to turn green.

You can have hope as you acknowledge your reality.

Now of course, nobody likes admitting that they’re fat, that they’re broke, that they’ve chosen the wrong career or that their marriage is falling apart. But admitting such truths is an absolute necessity if you want to grow and improve. It might feel like you’re taking a few steps backward by doing so, but you can view that retreat as the pull-back on a sling shot: you’re just setting yourself up to make significant progress down the road.


Keep the hope but do not use it as a crutch to keep from moving forward.


2step

very nice ^^^

[gunny]

I have been lurking on this site for a couple of months, some very good advice. I am in the same situation as you, similar age, similar circumstances, wife moving to ohio in about 6 weeks, etc. Very sorry to hear of your sitch, but, it seems to me, if you keep your head about you, let the grief come and go as it should, and above all, take wise counsel from some of the old souls here, you will come out of this thing a better man. This is what I keep telling myself, but it is good to know that others have gone through this and survived. Hang in there,
Gunny

[any chance?]

Wise words, 2step. Thanks for the perspective.

[any chance?]

Spent the weekend with my memory impaired mother. She cannot remember where her purse is but vividly recalls my situation. She hopes my W gets her act together, as she loves her dearly. Also wants to know if I have women chasing me.

The perspective of a mother.....

[any chance?]

Trying my best to move forward. Knee is almost better, and I have begun getting back to gym, which is a wonderful thing.

W has been gone 1 month now. Very little contact. Phone conversation we had last week indicated she is very anxious, easily disturbed. Says she likes certain things about her new location, and that there are somethings about our location that she misses. Can't read anything into it, other than to recognize that the resolution of this sitch is going to take a long, long time. Gotta wonder if I have the stomach for it.

When my mind is busy, I am just fine. When I let my mind drift, I get in trouble. Still waking up at 4AM every morning.

This week is hard. We have an annual party every September, and I am moving forward with it. Party is this Friday, and doing all the arrangments myself is a bit depressing. Feeling quite lonely these days. Feel like a reject. Most everyone here is familiar with those thoughts. Just wish they would go away.

Need to be productive in my work and move forward. Need to quit wallowing in dejection. Need to

[Telemark]

"Feeling quite lonely these days. Feel like a reject. Most everyone here is familiar with those thoughts. Just wish they would go away."

I know that feeling exactly, AC. You feel like damaged goods; like something is wrong with you. Every little insecurity is magnified 100 times.

We are all flawed individuals. There are no perfect marriages. What makes us different is that we have chosen to fight, not flee. We're fighting for our self-esteem, our self-respect, our peace of mind...and our ability to forgive and accept the flaws of others. We look inside ourselves and see all the garbage that needs to be taken out, and we work at that.

Our WAS's have chosen to flee. They refuse to look inside; they are afraid of what they will find. Much easier to run away from your problems than to face them.

I don't know if our W's will return; mine certainly has mapped out her future without me. So be it. I'm tired of looking back at what was and wishing it would come back. We have more worth and value than that.