Sorry for your pain, tele. The lack of interest in things important to you from your W make for a difficult recognition. Hang tough. Be strong as you move forward.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
It was always hurtful, though, that she showed no interest in anything I did. Never went to one performance or concert; never listened to any of the 4 CDs we made; never showed any interest in the building & architectural projects I worked on. But boy, was I expected to attend every function, every reception, every project she was involved in. And I did it; not grudgingly but admiringly, and I encouraged her and praised her every chance I could get.
Telemark, I really feel for you on this issue. To create something so personal like art and have your own partner not show an interest is so hurtful. I hope if things don't work out with your W, that you find a woman who truly appreciates your music because something you create should be cherished by those who love you. I get this more than you know.
My sentiments exactly. Man, I could feel the pain there, buddy. Telemark, that just shows what kind of man who are and the woman she ain't.
Journaling and venting on this rainy Wednesday morning...
Went to the office early because being in my own house gets more depressing every day. It looks like I have to find a 2nd job just to keep up with the bills and buy enough furniture to at least be comfortable (using the patio furniture inside is not doing it for me). My 11 year old Taurus may die at any moment and I'm continuing to help my daughter - but I would shovel s**t in a snowstorm to help her.
Just more collateral damage from this situation.
Not a word from W after she sent the "filing for a D online" e-mail. I'm not going to ask. It's definitely a quandary - part of me wants to get it over with so I can officially, legally, emotionally and morally move on, and part of me is still holding on to some surreal hope that everything will work out, W will wake up and have a change of heart and we'll live happily ever after.
I think scenario #1 is the safe bet.
Had dinner last Thursday with a new friend - female friend - which was a nice break. No, I'm not looking to dive into any kind of relationship right now; but it was nice to have dinner with someone other than my 3 dogs. Unfortunately she has dropped off the radar since then, so of course I'm thinking, "What did I do wrong? Did I say something stupid? Was my fly unzipped?"
Yeah, that's what I need...more angst about my relationship with women.
I did just finish reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. Every page I would stop, shake my head and say to myself, "That's me. To a T". I think the title should be No More Mr./Mrs/Miss Nice Person, because I could also see my W there very clearly. If you have not read this book, buy it. Read it. Even if you think you are the world's biggest prick, there will be something in there to use.
If someone told me one year ago that this is where I would be today, I would have had them committed.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Haven't commented much, but been keeping up with your thread. I read [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed] a while ago and it really changed a lot about me. it truly is ironic that all these years she wanted me to be more assertive. I make sure she always knows when I don't agree with something, or something bothers me. It has ironically fixed more fights than pretending to be nice, and being passive aggressive instead.
Another book I recommend is passionate marriage by schnarch. It does focus mostly on sex but does a good job explaining why many WAS and WAW get MLC.
In regards to moving on vs. hope.. I think we all have a little bit of hope, otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum. Just try hard not to let that hope give you false expectations.
In regards to the woman. I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong. Maybe it's just the universe telling you that you don't need any woman to make you feel worthy. You do that all on your own.
As for the house.. that will take time. I know you've been at this for 5 months, but there is a difference once you are "physically" separated. I use to dread coming home or being home. Time was the only thing that made it easier.
Hang in there buddy!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Went to the office early because being in my own house gets more depressing every day.
Telemark, I think once you learn to embrace it, it gets better. That being said, I am fortunate enough to have a 10 year old to hang out with at least some of the time. My W also didn't take a whole lot, so I spent the money and backfilled some of the furniture. I didn't really have money, but I figured I could either spend it on something I could potentially sell later or I could spend it on a IC. I also did it for my S, so the house would feel like a home.
Continue to work on GAL'ing like there's no tomorrow. That'll definitely help. It'll get you out of the house, too.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Was my fly unzipped?
Yes! I think this could've been it! Can you call the restaurant and have them check the security cameras? Seriously, you said both you and her aren't ready to get into a relationship right now, so I'm sure that's all it is. You're still technically M'd anyway, so it really shouldn't matter, right?
With regard to your female friend, perhaps she isn't wanting to add pressure during what she knows is a difficult time for you. If the friendship is meant to flourish, then it will. If it doesn't, TOTALLY her loss. Just like it is your wife's loss if she doesn't wake up from la-la land soon. Take some advice from your book and NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! Actually, still be a little bit of Mr. Nice Guy...we all like him so much!
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I know it's up and down, good days/moments, bad days/moments. There are so many stresses, as you mentioned, in addition to just the emotional stress. At times I become overwhelmed with worry...about money, the future in general, being alone for the rest of my life...but I have to stop myself from that. Remember: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7). I believe this with all my heart, and I know you do, too. Now live that faith of yours out loud.
Haven't heard from you in a day now, how are you doing?
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Seriously, you said both you and her aren't ready to get into a relationship right now, so I'm sure that's all it is. You're still technically M'd anyway, so it really shouldn't matter, right?
I know it's up and down, good days/moments, bad days/moments. There are so many stresses, as you mentioned, in addition to just the emotional stress. At times I become overwhelmed with worry...about money, the future in general, being alone for the rest of my life...but I have to stop myself from that. Remember: