I wish I had some kind of help in my life. I would really love to go to therapy, but I just can't afford anything big like that with my budget. I have health care hook-ups at work, but I doubt that they'd cover very many of the expenses. I have friends and family, of course, but there's so little that I can tell them about all this. I really don't have anyone I can "pour my soul out" to except for you guys and God.
Believe me, I would move to be with her and work things out in a heartbeat. $300 is peanuts to me if it meant that she would change her mind about the S. The thing is, she has indicated zero interest in working on our M. Our convo on Saturday seemed very positive at the surface, but she still treated me like I was some kind of platonic friend who she had no interest in pursuing. My e-mail today was like I was tossing a rope down into the hole that she's dug. I figured, hey, if she doesn't want to bother with the S anymore, then that's a step in the right direction.
But no, she made it very clear that an S is really what she wants. Did she give any reason why? No. Does she even really know why she wants one? I'm starting to doubt it. She told me in the beginning that she was pursuing legal S because she was "in love with another man," but now it's sounding like the whole "in love" deal is crumbling. So what's the excuse now? As I theorize, she's still running away and is too scared to face the mess she left behind. A legal S means that she's free to do whatever with anyone she wants, whereas if we're still married she's just cheating on me left and right.
I'm also avoiding "reasoning" her out of S/D/whatever. I tried doing that hardcore when she first informed me of the A. Got nothing but negative results. If she chooses to do anything, it's lamentably on her time-table.
