AC I have not posted to you before but I know you have read some of my post on my own thread. I thank you.
Last night I was reading some of those post while I lay in bed trying to fall asleep and came across one of your post on my sitch, I cannot recall which one or what you said but I do remember thinking I wanted to come over and read up on you.
As I sat waiting for my D to get her hair done at the salon I decided to read and finally a few minutes ago finished.
Your sitch and mine seem very similar and while I agree that most of us share a lot of similarities it is the details that drew me to your sitch and your reaction.
Your thought process and mine are very similar.
Your wife has moved 1500 miles away and assuming you live in one of the coast, your W and mine are practically neighbors.
I live in the E coast and she lives in OK now.
I remember the day she left and I remember helping her pack the boxes.
I remember sitting at our dinner table eating the night before she left.
There was no screaming, insulting, or malice. It was, how should I say, pleasant company.
The R between your W and you mirror the interaction between my X and me.
I am afraid I have no words of wisdom to share only the solemn knowledge in knowing that others have walked in your shoes and have felt the agony and despair of losing the person you love. I will attempt to answer some of your question from the perspective of someone who is a little further down the rd.
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She is very comfortable in her new city and neighborhood. Likes her new rental home, and is looking forward to fixing it up. She has already started to apply for jobs.
You know I thought this all the time.....A few weeks would go by and I did not hear from her, of course I assumed life for her was just grand without me and she was so busy with her new and exciting life that she had no time to call. When I spoke to her a few times she mentioned how she loved her new apartment and how she had the freedom to do with it as she pleased. Words that I am sure were not meant to hurt but left a pain in my soul I have not ever felt prior.
Truth of the matter was quite different
A few shorts months she left her apartment and moved to another "new and exciting" life.
That lasted two months
Will your W follow suit?
Who knows.....The point is that it is rarely as grandiose as we think. Reality is much different than our imagination.
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Says she is having ups and downs, and had to get off the phone after a while before she started to cry. Says she clearly needs time to sort things out, to clear her head and give herself time to heal.
This is all true and they do have their ups and down. It is a progression of sorts and while it appears you are moving away from each other in reality you are moving towards each other with the distance but not with the intent that you might think.
Imagine you are starting in point A while she is at point C both moving towards point B.
Right now emotionally she seems so far away from you and unreachable, detached, distant, and cold, you of course are devastated but you continue to live and move forward. One day at a time one minute at a time sometimes. You would like to get to C where she is because that is where the "healing" appears to be.
As you walk towards your 'goal' everyday you get stronger, but you must be mindful that some days you will regressed, but you walk.
On the other hand her "new" life begins to lose its shine and splendor. The excitement begins to wear off and the things that brought her temp pleasure no longer have that ability. Now she begins to move away from the safe haven that is point C back towards you.
As time passes and things transpire by nature’s course alone you will grow stronger and stronger, no matter how hard you fight it or how much you resist.
In time you will meet at B, you on your way to C and she on her way to A.
I hope that makes sense.
I see it now with me. My X has spiraled downward in so many ways and I hear it in her voice it is a sense you get in your gut and no matter how many techniques you use or 'tools' you employ the number one thing we all need we already posses......our gut.
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and there is no way to know how it will end up
If you could know the answer right now without having to go through the pain would you want to know?
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Have to wonder what things will look like several months down the road.
I asked myself this question all the time.
In Nov I just could not wait for May or June to see where I was
In June I could not wait for Sept
Today I catch myself thinking about what next spring will look like.
It is pointless I guess.
For everything there is a season. All things end, and this too shall pass.
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but undoubtedly worry that if she establishes a new home, job and friends, that our M and home will just fade into the background noise.
This is all true and a very real concern, one that I shared the more rooted she became the harder my chances to save this thing were.
In less than one year she has uprooted 3 times. If she drove 1500 miles in one direction surely if the desire is there she can drive 1500 miles in the other direction..
Do you wait for that?
NO. You move on. Right now IT IS OVER and the sooner you accept that the faster you will heal.
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She is apparently living her new life and cutting me out of it. I cannot dwell, but it is quite painful.
I wish I could tell you that 11 months into it the pain is gone but the truth is that it still lingers but it is MUCH MUCH less.
Today has been a little sad for me...the weather, chores, D getting ready to go back to school, certain memories. Tomorrow might now be. 10 months ago I stared at a computer screen hoping to find my answers. Today I do better in educating myself than in self pity.
Stay strong and I hope in some small way this helps.
You want to know the chain of events...
I have posted all conversations and timelines on my threads, like I said. It seems very similar to me.
