sadak, your W is showing similar traits to mine. She is a WAS without a doubt, yet she has many, many MLC traits... so as I say, jury is still out...
But like yours, if my W is in MLC, she has been in replay for about a year... and replay can often be two years, but there's no guarantee it will only be that long... replay could be indefinite... the anger is not necessarily leaving replay... anger... and depression... are fairly constant in MLC from what I understand, as is that sense of detachment...
My W used to do a lot of "touch and go" until my "dark" boundary finally got through to her...
I can't say my dark caused her to go dark, she likely would have, anyhow... she would ask about me, but never share about her own doings... anyhow, she appears to be completely detached from me, but I know this... she is NOT detached... because every once in a while, she spews venom at me... and I'm still to blame for everything... and if I am not to blame, someone else is... so, she is physically detached and communicatively detached... but she is NOT emotionally detached...
My W is very controlling and manipulative... it comes across as stubborn... it's possible your W is the same and passive / aggressive can also appear as stubborn... don't forget that while many people don't like to be wrong... a WAS and MLCer ABSOLUTELY ARE NOT WRONG... in their minds...
On the kids, understand that I could no longer continue to walk on egg shells and I was done being put down and all the other things that a spouse on the run will put forward to a LBS... so I left, and in doing, I had to leave the kids...
The point is, I could not put my finger on the MLC behaviour of abandoning family... because she had the kids... but here's the thing... after much observation, I've come to realize that my W HAS abandoned the kids, even if they are in her care... she will ship them off to overnights with odd sorts of "friends" or get baby sitters (but never a babysitter who might be M oriented; like her family) and she has gone so far as to go to parties and stay over night and leave my D13 at home alone or with a friend...
Oh yes... have no doubt that abandonment can happen, right under the noses of the WAS/MLCer... emotional abandonment... and they make up for it with lots of toys or lots of liberties to the kids or other ways to give to the kids to make up for the guilt they feel...
So I just want you to know that no matter what, none of that matters... whether your W is MLC or simply WAS... unless and until your W looks at herself and owns her poor choices, every act that she puts on, to make like friends, or show like she cares, or unwillingness to take the step to D...
None of that matters for you... I like to analyze and I know that the insight is fantastic... but in the end, the ONLY thing that will get you through is GALing... which might have the added benefit of her being curious about you... and THEN she will ask questions, have no doubt...
And 180s and "fixing" the things that you feel played a part in the downfall of your M... and making those things stick... and then doing more to make yourself even a better man...
If she is WAS... these are the things that might have more immediate results of your W being drawn towards you... and if she's MLC... well... NOTHING but TIME will change that, if it changes... at least you'll come out the other side a better man...
