I'm in shock, found out he has pursued OW, help

[25yearsmlc]

Angel, did you use any of the db techniques on the list in this thread? Did they work? If you don't mind sharing any helpful specifics.

speaking for myself, I GAL and detached and did some 180's...in the reverse order.

All helped. Detaching and coming to believe that I was going to be truly fine with or without h, and then believing it was likely to be without him

and still, I'd be alright, was eventually something I must have radiated. The more I believed it and showed my confidence, the better he seemed to treat me. I sent out job applications for 1 year contract work overseas and h was shocked by that.

Said "what's going on?" I said "I always wanted to live in Europe and the girls are fine with it." H said nothing but boy did he look bugged. What could he say?

Frankly, I came to realize my life would be better without h than with him IF he was going to keep on that track of his.

I came to see the upsides of his absence and when he wanted back in, he had some convincing to do.

Here's a post from someone who has an ex h (former MLCer) who now wants back in. He was gone for 6 years but she did not use that time to "wait" around. She has a good life now and is debating what to do.

Here's what she wrote to someone else with a H/MLCer. Note especially the last 2 lines...


It's good that your H is inching out of MLC but it's a long and slow process. It's so important to think about yourself and enjoy your life as much as you can if you choose to wait it out.

My H wanted me to stay right where he left me - it gave him a sense of unlimited time to continue his bad behavior. He didn't want me to get a life without him. When he finally sensed that I wasn't waiting in the wings for him anymore, I think that helped rush the end of the MLC. I wish I had realized this sooner.