When we first married, H was broke - bankruptcy, terrible credit, etc., mostly due (once again!) to his drinking. H suffers from a bi-polar disorder that is only triggered by alcohol.
I helped him to stop drinking, get back in his career field, re-establish his credit, pay off his bills, etc. His career took off. He became very successful over the 20+ years we were married and not once did he drink - until 2005.
In early 2005, my mom had a critical health issue and was in ICU for over a month. She was hospitalized for 3 months total, and I was the sole sibling to be with her. I was at the hospital 10-12 hours a day. I had to quit my job to take care of her after she was discharged.
H was starting up a new company at that time and I had promised to help him when this terrible crisis with my mom arose. H traveled a lot due to the nature of the job, and during this time he began drinking again. His bi-polar disorder re-surfaced. That's when the young girlfriend, the Harley Davidson, etc., began.
Over the course of several months, H was arrested on a variety of charges (one of them was domestic abuse with the OW), and several DUI's. He lost his company and then had trouble finding work in his field.
I saw the writing on the wall. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he would be broke and filing bankruptcy again (just like before we married). So I made sure that his name was taken off our house, savings accounts, etc. I filed for divorce on the charges of adultery and asked for everything I could get. It wasn't out of vindiction but because I knew I would need to sell these things to support myself.
That's exactly what happened. By selling all the material things we acquired over the course of our marriage, I have been able to stay afloat.
The economy and the fact that H's reputation all but ruined him in his career field caused him to temporarily relocate to another part of the country to work. He still makes decent money but the creditors are breathing down his neck and he owes everybody.
H is brilliant in his field but his reputation for drinking has made employers wary. He knows that I can keep him sober and be successful once again, but ... do I want to save him again?
I told him I would never remarry him. Part of it is because of financial reasons. My credit is secure and I barely have enough to keep myself afloat for a few more years until I hit retirement age. I think he wants to come home bad enough that he would never jeopardize our relationship over alcohol again, but .. do I want to take that chance?
Sorry for the length of this post but you hit on an issue that is the basis for my worries. I appreciate any and all insight.
