Activity around long labor day weekend and separation.
So I took a call from H this morning……..I was a little worried he was asking to come over for something he forgot and I looked like hell, so I wanted to spiff up if he was planning on showing up here. (I promise I will not take all of his calls.)
As it turned out he called to tell me what a horrible night he had. Said he maybe slept an hour and a half max. Was at Walmart at 10 p.m. buying stuff he needed for the house. Then on to the grocery store and was there when it closed. Fell into bed at 1:15 and could not sleep. I was silent through this saga, he finally said, “are you still there?” I said, “yes, I am listening.” He went on to say he is going to the office today to work and then back to his new house to unpack. Told me I should re-think the new job, that this is a short 9 months and then Noah would be gone……….I just listened and then I said good by.
But humor came my way today in the form of my beloved cleaning lady, R, who is from Brazil and speaks very little English. She is a spitfire and I love her. She has been with us for 15 years. We went to her daughter’s wedding, We attended her ceremony to become a U.S. citizen, one of the most moving experiences I have ever witnessed. She normally cleans for us on Friday afternoon. So she arrived yesterday in the midst of H's move. She is very intuitive and very experienced in life. She gets out of her car and sees what is going on and she must have given D a piece of her mind. After which she gets in her car and says to D, “I no clean today, I back tomorrow.”
So she arrives this morning and tells me about the exchange. Her primary language is Portuguese and she is very animated and I will never be able to convey our conversation in an email, but I will try, as it lifted me up in a way that nothing else could do.
She kind of stormed in this morning…….she told me of her conversation with H. It went something like this:
“What you doing D?” She has always called him D and he has never corrected her. Too funny. (she has his name wrong)
He told her the plan. And she says, “ D,you go crazy? You give up beeeautiful home, your babies, and your beeeautiful wife? For what?......., to rock, (and she demonstrates rocking in the rocking chair he is loading in the truck) alone in house that not your home? You stup D, (her way of saying stupid) You really stup. What you get from this? You be lonely, you be alone, that make you feel good? You got other woman? He says no. She says I understand why no other woman.”
At this point I am laughing so hard I am crying. She then goes on to give me advice. And I realize R is the expert on the Divorce Busting concept of “going dark.”
“Back56 you no have anyting to do with him for now. He dead. He give you up, you say to self, ok, and love your babies. They with you forever, husbands come and go. He no good right now. Maybe he back someday, but for now, he gone, you let him go. You cannot make easy, or he never back. He think he can be gone, and ok with family, to come and go as he pleazze, he never back. You live your life, you have good job, you have good friends, you enjoy your life and forget about him. He stup. How can smart man, be so stup? He lawyer, he help me a lot, he good man, but he stup” I then said, “R, what if his pride will not allow him to come back?” She said, “then he go and be lonely”.
I am amazed at the people who come into our lives, to support, to build us up, to help us give perspective. Today this came to me from a woman who has had a very difficult life, who has been in the trenches, who “gets” life. She loves me and our family, and sees the bigger picture for us. I am so grateful.
