I'm reading to learn more since knowing gets me through each day pain free. I can't say if I'm repressing my feelings anymore even though it doesn't feel like it. I read about MLC here and wherever I can find anything on it because I want all points of view since no one point is exact. My confusion and concern comes from what I'm reading and what I'm living.
I do not believe my wife is having an affair. She's been honest with me - to a point. I ask no questions, I do no investigations or make any inquiries, nor do I concern myself that her friends stay away from me like I have the plague. My wife offers me information about her plans on occasion without my even asking and I make nothing of it. When she tells me that sometimes she just goes out and sites in a parking lot for a few hours just to get away from me I believe her. I've done it too a few times this summer. I don't want to always appear as though I have no life and I'm always sitting at home. I just don't tell her where I've been and she doesn't ask.
Yet there are so many people here that their spouse is/was having an affair. It's not that I think it couldn't happen to me, I just figure I'll cross that road when it comes. I'm only a little into the second year of this MLC adventure as far as I can trace back.
CONFUSION POINT: She has clarity of mind to not ask me where I've been. Seeing as how I'm not interfering with the way she's living her life and never get in the way of anything she does, it's almost as though she knows she has no right to interfere with my plans. Yet others with MLC seem to be walking around with a big middle finger pointed at their spouse.
Then the kids. She did go through a month or so where she didn't come home much at all. The kids noticed. Oldest son posted on his FB page asking if anyone knew where his mother was at. CONFUSION POINT: She's some home pretty much every night since then. Granted, she moved into the living room after that. Again, I'm reading about so many MLC spouses that just don't seem to care about the kids, but my wife seems to have clarity of mind enough to know she's hurting the kids somehow and wanting to avoid that if possible.
ANOTHER CONFUSION POINT: She wants away from me really bad. She's determined that that's what she needs because she seems to think that marriage was never something that suited her. Like it put her life on hold. Yet she will not pack up and leave to go live with her family 1 state over because she would be taking the kids away from me and she would never deny me my kids.
My CONCERN is not what I have yet to experience, but my indifference to all of this. My concern is that she will not find the strength to question her feelings about me. I don't want her to leave and I don't want her to have an affair, but I'm concerned that at some point, something in her is going to give and I'm going to lose. I'm to the point that I think the only reason she hasn't left is because we can't afford a divorce due to current debt and her family, who she'd be moving in with, all want her to get over herself and work on our marriage.
I support her through patience and listening when she speaks. I offer her no excuses or explanations. I pay her off compliments on occasion just to show that I'm aware of her, not to look desperate. I take on as much responsibility with the kids and the house as I can so that she can just do whatever.
I'M CONCERNED: Because even though my wife is in the 2nd year of MLC and seems to be stuck in Anger and Reply, I don't see where she has a way of getting on through the next stages in order to get through. I don't know that I'll ever get a chance to R because she has no support element for her behavior. Sure her friends give her a place to go to get away from me or go do things with, but those that know me know how much I love her and may even be protecting her from herself. Her family, friends and I are all supporting her without pushing her and yet she still refuses to believe anything other than I'm a Poophead and I make her life as miserable as it is.
How on earth can she get through this if she refuses to see? I understand that's part of the problem with MLC, but how am I supposed to give her more opportunities to have time and space? More often lately I find that I'll go into the bedroom and close the door when she's home. I'll be doing school work, but I want to give her a sense that I'm not around.
I'M CONCERNED: That even though she shows presence of mind to know ( I assume ) she's hurting the people closest to her, she will continue to be stuck in Anger/Replay. She's a very stubborn woman, even before this and she does not back down in defeat. I just don't know what more I could be doing. Time & space from me is what she needs ( I guess ) and that's what I provide. Just seems it's not enough.
