Shock, just finished reading through your entire situation. (I was able to track you down after the screen name change ) Sorry you're going through all this pain. It will improve with time. (I always hated to hear that, but it's true). It took me 2-3 months before that knot in my stomach went away and I could start eating normally again.
I think you're starting to figure some things out with DB'ing. Looks like you're getting some good advice. Listen to 25 - her comments are loaded with wisdom.
You seem to be picking up on it, but cut the relationship talk. You're really just reminding your SO of the feelings she does not have right now, and she knows how you feel.
Work on your GAL. Work on yourself. Take yourself outside your comfort zone. Find things you've always been interested in doing and start getting involved. Once you really get it going, it will snowball. It will help you overcome your shyness. Surround yourself with people who are supportive in your DB'ing efforts. Become the better option - be the woman only a fool would leave. Focus on your S - that who's the most important right now.
Regardless of the final outcome, if you continue to DB, you will come out of this miles ahead of your W. You will be much better prepared for the next relationship if it doesn't work out. As much as it may not feel like it, you are headed for a better place.
) Sorry you're going through all this pain. It will improve with time. (I always hated to hear that, but it's true). It took me 2-3 months before that knot in my stomach went away and I could start eating normally again. 
