Understandable MM. I had the same problem. I tried to let go but just couldn't entirely. He was around too much, I kept avoiding him like the plague but he'd pop up at odd times when my guard was down. Of course, all of that eventually led to where I am now which is UBER-confusing.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to step forward in your life on faith. Be a godly, loving woman, be involved in your community and find ways to be ok with being alone in the quiet times.
You have tons of support here and friends who will talk you through any struggle. Be the best you can be for you and the rest will fall in place as God designs it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thank you mishka, I am trying to move on but I'm going to try to keep things on friendly terms as well. Today just as I was getting ready to go to church and proceed to find a way to be away from home most of the time my youngest pops in and asks if I want to go to the fair with her and daddy. I told her I would talk to her dad about it first. I called and asked if he was fine with it and he said he was. So I thanked him and said fine. Also he said that they would wait until I got back from church even. If he had told me a time before that I would have declined. Unless I'm away from home or ill or one of my girls is ill than I don't miss church. Its like my workouts,I still feel new to it so I don't want to take a chance of getting out of the habit. I even went to church on my vaca. Found one in my dad's neighborhood and crashed a service. It ended up being on the same day as thieir annual church picnic so I ended up there to. I met some super nice people and sent them a thank you note when I got home. Anyway back to the fair. We had a good time. I made a point to pay for all my stuff though I have a feeling if I hadn't been so obvious about it he would have not that I want to test that theory. We got home I thanked him for inviting me, gave my D a kiss and walked home. He even seemed to enjoy himself and relaxed a little. I at least think it is good for our D to see us be friendly and not act like we hate each other. Maybe it is cake eating on his part but whatever. He's had years of me being a bitch to him and I just don't feel like doing it anymore.
That's the same weird pendulum I'm going through. I live just a couple of blocks away and I'm trying to not avoid XW and be civil. That's meant more time together and I can't totally shut my feelings down and then when the ice queen shows again how done she is it sends me into a funk.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
CTH, well I can't speak for your ex but I usually act like an ice queen when I'm uncomfortable for some reason. That for me is mostly to cover up insecurity. Try no to take it personally its her issue not yours.
Anyway, since its my thread back to ME. I realized at the fair that we were acting about the same as we have for years and that is not what I want. I want someone I talk to and hold hands with and well I don't know how to describe it but I'm sure you all get the drift. I did act differently than I used to. I used to skip looking at things at displays because I thought it would bore him which I didn't do this time. Yeah, I looked at cheap jewelry unfortunately I was broke by then so couldn't buy any-rats!I also went off to get something different for lunch because I didn't want what him and D were having. Before I would have just had the same thing. I think I'm starting to reaize that I am SINGLE. I can choose what I want without anyone else's opinion having any weight on it. I am working toward that being how I am in any future relationships regardless of who that ends up being. Sure I love and miss my ex but that can't be what guides my life now.
I have an odd off topic question. I have been missing the physical side of my M. Not that is was great but since I started going back to church I want to walk the straight and narrow and from what I understand I should not be with someone again until I were to remarry. Does anyone else here have a conflict with that? That is just not the society we live in and its a hard pill to swallow.
I am not very religious but am more spiritual. I think it is a choice each of us has to make for ourselves. It does amaze me though about the people that proclaim to be very religious but they live together , are friends with benefits or even bed hop. It is pretty hypocritical to me.
As for the other matter, I was going a bit crazy with that too. Sometimes you just have to break down and get a BOB.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree with kat. BOB fixes lots of physical stress and doesn't argue with you.
Being religious doesn't mean living without sin. That is just our nature. MM, yes, the bible teaches that sex outside the sanctity of marriage is sinful and wrong. It's a matter of personal choice. What is more important to you? Nurturing your relationship with Christ and having your spiritual needs met or having your physical needs satisfied without benefit (possibly) of a nurturing R to go along with it? That sounds simplistic, but it absolutely is not.
Example? I do a lot of justifying to myself. I'm divorced but I now live with and sleep with my xh. My mind says he was my H, spiritually he still is, on paper he isn't. It's that whole "in the eyes of God" thing. However, I also D'd him according to God's law which says you can D due to infidelity. It's a battle, but in the end it's entirely up to you and what you are willing to account for in the end.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks for the response kat and mish, I just wanted to see if I was insane for trying to do this and what other people's viewpoint was. As for BOB if it is what I think it was it was getting the job done most of the time anyway. For some reason I preferred that to relations with my H. Unfortunately for some reason the exh retained possession of that so I'll have to get my own.
Now for some exciting news! Started househunting today and I already found the place. Its so perfect that it scares me. I hope I get it, please, please, please!
