It sounds like your H's issues with his mom and her passing away run much deeper than you realized.
Did I mention that bomb #1 was on what would have been his mother's birthday? I suppose I should have been a little more aware of what he was going through but I thought perhaps he had accepted her death because we knew she was terminal for years.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
Hopefully that will give you a better understanding on how to move forward. In looking at your responses to Val's questions, it sounds to me like you have a good game plan.
Not really. I'm still all over the place. My clarity rarely lasts.
Yesterday, for the most part, I was doing well. Feeling less anxiety. Then H texted me again:
H:I know it seems like way overly dramatic and over the top. I am just really trying to do an honest assessment of our marriage, its state, my contribution, you, the whole thing. I don't know where you head has been the last couple of days but that's where mine has been.
H:No response or better to talk in person. It's just that (D16) has been around.
M:Yes, I'm doing the same but don't think it's entirely possible without therapy.
HE DIDN'T RESPOND AND I GOT ANGRY. And I said something stupid because I let my anger take over, even though I know it's annoying to play amateur therapist AND I see that's it's annoying because I see other people posting on the board about how they tell their spouse what their "issues" are instead of working on their own. And I think to myself, no wonder their spouse is running away. BUT did that stop me? No.
Instead of shutting my mouth, I texted...
M:Honestly, your co-dependent relationship with your mother greatly affected our bond. It often felt like you never fully severed yourself in a healthy way from her in your adulthood. It make it hard for me to see you as a strong independent man.
H:Not exactly sure of the co-dependent definition but I acknowledge your observation. At any rate, probably didn't detach enough from my family for my new family.
I didn't respond.
Yes, this is why I'm here because I can't keep my big mouth shut. Yes, our MC told him this many years ago but did I have to point it out again? No. It's annoying. I know it's annoying, yet I can't stop myself from being right.
Anyway, last night while I was cuddling S7 before bed, he asked me if I was sick because he said I've seemed sick for the last couple days and he's worried. He said when he gets home from school today, he wants us to spend time together and then he's going to give me lots of cuddles so I feel better. He's such a sweet kid and I don't want him to be affected by this sitch, but he's obviously noticing that something is not right. I've tried so hard to keep my emotions in check but this situation is just wearing me down.
I'm still all over the place. My clarity rarely lasts.
