I saw the same behavior from my W with regard to limited affection followed by retreat. The DB Coach explained that your W will reach out to you on occasion and be affectionate, but will then quickly retreat and be distant again.
This is normal, she's "trying on" opening up to you to see how it feels. When she does, however, she catches herself because she doesn't want you to think "everything is OK", she wants you to know that you are not fully back in. She's afraid that if she starts to warm up to you, that she'll get the full intensity of your spotlight, and that all of your expectations will suddenly fall on her.
Know that this connect / disconnect behavior is normal, and the encouraging part is that she's putting her toe in the water to see how it feels. If you back off and let her pursue a bit, and be patient (yes, I know nearly impossible), she will continue to experiment and will gradually not back off as quickly.
If she's starting to do this more frequently, as infuriating as it is, now may not be the time to move out? What she's doing reflects what she's thinking, and maybe she's starting to think in a positive direction?
--Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
