I know how it is to think your situation is different from everyone else's. I feel now that I'd been blind/arrogant to believe that we were different - better - than everyone else.
I found that accepting the reality was the first really, really, really difficult thing for me to do. It hurt like hell for several days, and I found myself crying in the bathroom at work or in public where no one would bother me (I was trying to get it all out before I went home, so that I wouldn't be begging, crying, and generally breaking down in from of my H). It's overwhelming, but you can get through it to the point where you reach a level of acceptance, and then you can begin to take care of yourself and push on with DBing.
I forced myself to deal with my situation, and for a time, I tried to "fake it 'till I'd make it" with my DBing. Even if I didn't feel any of the peace or calm that I longed so desperately for, I forced myself to smile, watched what I said around H (making sure I was pleasant, supportive, and not bringing up the subject of my feelings or our R), and tried to concentrate on fun. He was suspicious at first, but eventually relaxed. I thought ahead about how I would respond if he brought up R (which was essentially to tell him that R was not the priority now, but him taking care of himself and me taking care of myself, and that I would be supportive no matter what), and practiced it so that I wouldn't crack emotionally in front of him. Of course, I messed up a little the first few times (breaking into tears), but I refuse to beat myself up over it. The little victories (ie knowing I was able to keep control) do help my spirit a lot.
Eventually, I found I could concentrate better on DBing and GALing. I mean, I'm far from alright, and there is a very deep hurt and longing inside of me, but I'm certainly better now than I was in the first week. I am still filled with so much doubts and fears, and I know it will take much longer to deal with that, but I think I'm able to manage my thoughts and emotions better than before. That means the world for people in our situation.
I hope you can soon get yourself to the point where you can focus on taking care of yourself, and GALing. It takes a lot to push aside thoughts of your relationship to give way to taking care of yourself, but it's something you can control and do consciously.
