I got home from work, and got ready to go to the gym, as i was leaving I noticed I had the kids school ties still at mine, and I knew they were back at school the next day so I took them.
I went to the gym, and when I came out I called wife to see if she needed the ties? She had totally overlooked them and was thankfull I had them and I dropped them off, we spoke as I dropped them off, madea joke or two, we laughed and I went.
I get home, have some food, shower, then watched TV, legs were killing me!!!
Then the calls started! My daughter had and argument with my wife, she is 9!!, and she called to ask if she could stay with me!!!, I said no I had work and be friends with mum.
Then my son called, why hadn't I called yet??, I said I was going to, but he beat me to it!!!, we spoke about school and things then we said bye.
then my wife called, firstly we were laughing about our daughter having a tantrum, and my wife knew about the call, then it was all about me again!!!
She was asking about if I'd had a drink, and how I felt etc I told her I was never going to drink again, I will not let this beat me, I told her I knew how happy I was not drinking, how good I felt not drinking, and that my confidence was sky high through not drinking and going to the gym, I felt good, and the weight was dropping off me, I told her I had let my self go with weight, and I was not going back there.
She then said that I don't want to lose anymore than I have, so she must have noticed!!!, but around 30Lbs in 4 weeks takes some missing!!, and that she was really happy for me.
She then said that someday I might thank her for us spliting up, so I told her I thank her now, that I have my whole life in front of me, I'm doing well, and that I had to hit rock bottom to get her, and without her leaving I wouldn't be here feeling like I do now.
I was a better father and person because of it, she agreed.
Then we were talking about the weekend past, what did me and the kids get up to, etc, I was telling her how good the kids were while i was cleaning the apartment, she asked, you cleaning??, I said yes why, she said it was a pity that I didn't do more around the house when we were together, we lived in a big house and it was hard work for her, I said that the difference is I'm not hungover on a weekend now, and not having a beer by lunchtime, so I feel good, and just get it done!!!
She was then talking about how I help so much more now with the kids, and me having them 3 nights, gives her more time to get ready for work the next day, instead of her running around doing everything.
I just apologised and said that I will be the best father my kids could ever want, and want to be more involved in their school and things, rather than me just going to work.
We spoke some more about various things, all good, them my daughter started to shout her so she went.
My initial thoughts when I put the phone down was really positive, then I thought about things.
We speak daily about me and the past, the hurt I caused and upset I made. While I'm thinking that is she venting and I'm validating, and she is trying to slowly come to terms that I'm changing for the future and not just now, is she really just justifing her decision to leave, telling me the hurt, and trying in her way to tell me that its over???
But she doesn't have to tell me really, her decision to leave says that???
I'm very confused?
I back off, and she comes to me, but the talk is all about the past and the hurt I caused?
After the call I sent her a text saying that her leaving me was the best thing to happen to me as it gave me back my life, but it was also the hardest as I had lost my best friend.
That is exactly how it is!!!
But although she makes loads of contact and we talk, and its great, there is nothing about "us", it might come in time, I don't know??, but i'm getting scared of getting close again, and then getting hurt, maybe she is in the same place??
