Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[25yearsmlc]

first off, other than threatening to kill her, it's rare that ONE statement by you will blow it all...so relax a bit.

OTOH you talk way too much and way too soon. Why on earth would she trust these changes when you've been doing them what, a week? A month?

After years of weird "I'm shy so i don't do social work"....and being whatever it is she complained of,

(which you are vague about, btw). I don't get a clear idea of what type of 180s you need to do vis a vis HER, that you are doing except now backing off

but then you pursue and your neediness perks up again.

I'm guessing you put all your social/emotional needs on her lap to fill and that's a tall order.

Which is neediness from you and not giving to HER but rather, taking FROM her
see how? Plus your present discussions reek of more of that same neediness....


and so when you tell her "ta dah, I'm making all these changes!", I suspect what she hears is

"so you can stay and keep filling my needs b/c I don't want you to leave!!"--

which is not persuasive or attractive or working.

Also Please stop engaging when you are at your most vulnerable. THE WORST TIME POSSIBLE>>>>This behavior has to stop NOW. And you've made the move toward the MIL so let her take the next step unless you really owe her.

And if you do "owe her" at least do not make the r talks about W or the R....at all. It's got to be about s4 or your job or better yet MIL and time with s4...not the R or it'll come off as manipulation by you, through her family members. Not cool...

Get a prescription for anti-anxiety meds and take them when she's around or texting or whatever triggers your desire to TALK AND TALK to her...

And to help you sleep.

WHY DO I LET MYSELF GET INTO THIS R TALK?????????? I KNOW no good comes from it. I hate myself and see why she left me at these times!!! Pity party for one.....

At least see this ^^^ reason to leave you, clearly. Embed it so you really GET IT and then maybe you will be more loathe to repeat it.

IT's a cheeseless tunnel so stop going down it. There is no cheese there!


Really, she says she's done. We know that with changes, and the fact that she says she still loves me, just not in the way to sustain a relationship....there is hope. My BIG mouth should have just sat there instead of getting drawn into that talk....

OR YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER YOU ARE TOO TIRED TO TALK RIGHT NOW AND GET OUT OF THE CONVERSATION...HOW'D IT EVEN START? DID YOU ASK HER STUFF?? sorry for the caps-not yelling.

I know. They speak in absolute negatives....but what if she really IS done wiht me?? She moved past me months ago.... IS THERE HOPE>?>>> OMG I need to take something and go to bed. I am obsessing and freaking out. Gotta call the DB coach tomorrow and set up something.

There's always hope. I have 2 family members who actually divorced and then remarried but a few years later....yes, years. But that happens and so do recons earlier...I'd give your r a few months minimum before you'll "know" anything and maybe not then either. But as of THIS DAY and THIS WEEK, you "know" nothing.

I'm SO scared I blew it completely by telling her in the course of the R talk that I am still in love, that i want to repair our family, that I want to have a chance to show her that I can be the person she needs.... she says it's too late.

Stop telling her that. Just stop it. You need to have SOME mystery here & some dang discipline Mary...come on. And no one blows it completely in one conversation, plus this talk you had actually had a few contradictory paragraphs anyhow. She's not as done as she thinks she is.


Anybody have this sitch that worked out>?>?>> God, I'm a mess.

YES these situations have worked out...hello? I gave my m a "10% chance of success" 5 years ago...

others have filed for div (which your w has not done) and she is still in the house

and she needs your income and you have a son together...

so far, you are still in the game. Don't blow it anymore. READ THE RULES AGAIN You can do this.