First, I hope everything is going well for your family.

You know Sandi, I'm not sure if she's in MLC. Here's what I do know. I've been able to dive into DR and dissect it. I've realized a lot of things that I have done wrong. I see so many cycles that we have been in over the years. I'm the guy in the book that complains about everything. I try to fix everything. Instead of cheering her on for the good she's done, I've complained about more of things that I thought she could improve on. I'm going to be honest here...I am to blame for a lot of our problems. Hindsight is 20/20 and I see how I've been critical and negative for a long time. When she would pull away, I would accuse of her of having an affair, because she was gone all the time (to get away from the negative environment). She has had problems with anxiety and post-partem depression to the point she is on medication and sees a psychiatrist. She's 32 and has gained quite a bit of weight after the two kids (which I like a lot). I've always told her how beautiful she is and has never said anything negative about her appearance. Sadly, I didn't do much to let her know how beautiful she is on the inside. I don't want to take all responsibility for the downfall of our marriage, but I clearly see her side of things and she's right. That being said, I'm not sure if it's MLC or she's just had enough.
I don't know if she's depressed from the stress or if the depression triggered a MLC. Let's just say she has a lot of the signs of MLC, but I can see where I have pushed her away to the point she would hang out with friends to get away from me. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong here, but I've been trying to compliment her in a way that has nothing to do with me. For example, we have to renew our insurance. I was informed that it ended at the end of this month. I emailed her and asked her if this was really the case in which she told me that she just filed the paperwork. I text messaged her and told her "Okay, Thank you for staying on top of this. D1 and D2 would be lost without you...good work." She respond by saying, "No problem. D1 has an apt on Tuesday at 11 am". Which I responded with, "Thank you for the head's up :-)"

I've never been a social person, but I figured it was labor day so I would try something completely opposite of what I would normally do...I'm trying to GAL...So, I decided to throw a little party for my D's friends and their parents. Just me and a couple of parents chatting while the kids played. I cooked dinner for everyone, it was surprisingly fun. Well my daughter invited my wife to come over. Gasp, she actually did. My jaw dropped. Since she has left I have painted the living room, bought the girls new bunk beds, mounted our TV on the wall, added a new chair, bought new pots, pans, etc. I didn't have much of a choice as she took most of everything laugh Point being, is that I have worked hard to move on with my life and that included painting, etc. When she walked in I could tell that she was uncomfortable and not sure how to act. This was the first time we've been together in front of other people, so it was weird. I played it cool and kept chatting with my guests (which she is friends with as well). I even joined along in conversations that she was a part of acting "as if" nothing happened. I got her a coke and invited her to eat some dinner. She complimented me on the meal and told everyone that I make killer ribs. Which I thought was nice. I took her awhile, but she finally got up to look at the girls' new bunk beds. She hung out in the kitchen a lot and then went to smoke outside with the other people there. We watched our kids dance and I personally had a good time. She asked me to take a couple links out of her new watch, which I complimented her on how nice the watch looked. As soon as people started to leave she bolted. She said, "I'm gonna go, I'll see you on Wednesday? Wait, no probably not" (I drop the kid off at school and the daycare so I don't see her). Wednesday also happens to be our 12th wedding anniversary. A couple hours after the party, I decided to try another neutral compliment. I texted, "Just wanted to thank you for coming by tonight. It meant a lot to the kids. I'm sure it was uncomfortable. Thanks for being brave for the girls' sake. You're a good mom and they are lucky to have you." I wasn't expecting a reply, but I got one that said "Thank you" which is an upgrade from the usual "Thx" I get.

I'm not trying to win her over and I certainly did not throw a party for her sake. I was going to have one whether she showed up or not. I don't necessarily think that I've gone too far with the compliments because she is responding back... I know that typing "thank you" compared to "thx" is not a big deal, but I look at it as if she took more effort in typing her response and it had a different feel than the "thx" texts. I'm not reading anything good or bad into these things. It is what it is and I'm not sure she knows what "it" is. I know I certainly don't.

Basically, I don't get the sense that she isn't being turned off by the compliments. However, I don't have not clue. That's why I directed this thread to you. You know more about her view than I do. I almost feel like I'm getting some indications that show I'm on the right track. I kind of feel like I've paid her some compliments, but I need to go dark as best as I can for now. Especially with our anniversary coming up on Wednesday and my birthday being Friday.

One last thing. I really feel like I've had an awakening as far as seeing her side of the spectrum. I see what I've done to harm the marriage. I want to tell her I'm sorry. Not to get her to come home (although that would be nice) but because I seriously feel horrible for how I've made her feel. I want to own up to my mistakes...whether we reconcile or not. When/is there a good time to apologize and is there a good method to do so (letter, email, phone call)?