Well, had a great weekend with my parents and my kids. We visited both of my grandmas, hit up the beach, spent the night at the farm, had a picnic.. etc etc.
The high points were many.. the low points were few... I sensed my mother wanted to talk to me about my situation but I'm not really ready to talk about it yet since I'm unsure as to exactly what is going on. The other part that hurt... only a little.. was seeing my parents so much in love still.. the little things that I'm missing.. watching my father squeeze my mother's hand.. watching my mother rub my father's shoulders... etc. It hurt to watch.. but only a little bit.
Got back home tonight and was a little disappointed to see that H wasn't here but not surprised. No evidence that he was here at all and yet he asked me what I'd like done around the house while I was gone. :S
Disappointed but not heartbroken. Either my anti-depressants are kicking in or my DBing is starting to do me some good. I cleaned the house like a mad woman before I left because it was my 180 homework (I usually always leave the house a mess before I leave on a trip) and I must say... while I was sad that he didn't come back to see the clean house, it was nice for me to come home to a clean house. So... bonus.
Also wondering why he didn't try to get ahold of me at all? When I last left to go camping with the kids he was texting me several times a day and was here waiting for us when we got back. This time.. nothing from him. Silence.... and an empty house. Is it because I've started to withdraw from him? Is he mirroring me?
It won't change my withdrawing.. because pursuing netted me his anger.. so I have to stay the course I'm on right now.
Logically I know I'm overthinking this... completely. I have no control over him or what he does and shouldn't be trying to speculate as to why he's doing or not doing something.
Friend is coming over for a movie. Wish it was him and glad it isn't. Argh... I hate this.
