SFO, you asked me earlier who "Karen" was, she's my boss! My friend was making a bad bad joke. MM knows my boss and her name but wouldn't know if that is who he is referring to so upon your heads up I deleted that post! Again, no more FB posts about MM and me...if there is any more MM and me. Now, back to cleaning. Garbage and recycle done. What lies ahead in the absolutely fascinating Saturday of Whatis. I'm thinking of vacuuming and waking the kids up!
I've been FBing with MM. She texted me and FB'd me to ask "how ru today". Anyway, we got into a discussion about dating. I told her sometimes I'm very confused. She said "yes. coz u thhink too much, take it easy my dear" I told her I needed to hear that. I wanted to go slow and enjoy each other but sometimes my brain slips into high gear. She said "I understand, it's the first time you've dated in a long time" I said "To be honest, I've never enjoyed dating much! But I'm enjoying being with you" So, the drama continues.
She just asked me whether I really enjoyed dating her "be honest!" she said. I replied "Of course I do, I wouldn't just say that! When I'm around you I feel calm and happy. We talk, we laugh and have a lot of fun" She said "I really enjoy those times too" She told me I need to slow down and enjoy the little things together, go slow. She also said that she was OK with me trying to hold her hand the other night it just took her by surprise. I'm glad I decided to bring up what the hell we're doing together. It seems we're at least on the same page...and hopefully will turn that page a little slower. So, tomorrow afternoon we're going to the horse races together...where it's all about speed!
Just what we've all been saying. "Slow Down". You're rushing things and wanting to jump ahead. Stop living for her every text and FB message. Wait to respond even. Don't let her think you're just sitting there waiting for it.
I hope you have a good time tommorrow. But don't push her for more than she is willing to give right now. She's just showed you and told you she is not quite ready yet.
Hey Barb, she contacted me by text and FB. I'm not sitting waiting for her every text etc., trust me. I hate texts lol! She contacts me every day. I was out doing stuff. Actually, I wasn't going to contact her at all today! Anyway, tomorrow I'm just gonna have fun because that's what we do best together. We really do have fun! She told me that when you've been hurt really bad, like both of us have, you must learn to enjoy the moment, so that will be my goal. I have to slam the "what if's" whenever they raise their ugly heads. I told her "I think this overthinker can learn a lot from you".
It's funny though, Barb. Why would I want to push things ahead so fast? I'd be friggin' terrified to be in a committed R right now! I think I'm just real anxious about uncertainty and that is what I need to master, being comfortable with not knowing how everything will be. She told me "things will happen when they happen, when the time is right" My faith also tells me to stay in the flow of God's love and everything will work itself out for the good. If I'm pushing for something more than I'm ready for just to lessen my anxiety than how fair is that to MM? Go slow! Thanks everyone for your guidance here. Honestly, I don't have anyone to really talk to about this so I come on here and babble...lots lately! It's been over 20 years since I've had a date so I need to babble lol. Gotta go, my sweat box is 85 degrees F tonight. It's Whoopee time at Whatis's!
Wonderful day and evening with MM. We went to the racetrack in the afternoon and after I got no winners in five races I turned the program over to MM, who has never been to a horse race, and she picked three winners in a row for me! Walked out up $20. We then went to the beach and skipped rocks in the lake and sat on the rocks listening to the waves. We then drove to a park, walked through the gardens and sat on some benches near the lake. We talked and I asked her what she meant Friday when she said she could be a mean person, she said "what I said to you Friday was mean when I told you I wasn't a nice person. I was being mean to you" I said "I know you were, I just couldn't figure out why you were saying that?" she said "I get scared when people think I'm just this nice little person who never does anything mean. I want the wings but not the halo too lol" We had a nice talk. She told me that she'd been trying to figure out how to deal with me and I asked what she'd decided. She laughed and said "you're so easy to deal with, I got you figured out already!" Oh oh! Anyway, we went out and laughed our way through dinner. On our way home the song "Evil Woman" came on the radio and I said "Hey, it's your song" and then said "OK, you're just mean not evil". She laughed and said "Y'know what, that comment didn't even bother me!" We got to her place and she invited me in. I stayed until about 11:30pm watching TV together, talked some more and continued our giddiness. A show started and it said parental guidance is necessary, so she said she couldn't watch that show as she didn't have parental consent. I said "I'm old, I'll give you consent. Hey, I can be your parent, older brother and boy friend all in one convenient package!" She replied "I still want something free to go with it" so I said "you'll get a free clock radio but you have to sign on for 3 years, just like a cell phone contract" I also ended up massaging her lower back tonight (it was mutual consent!) as it was very stiff from her sitting at the race track. When I left we hugged warmly at the door and talked about getting together on one of her days off, which won't be for seven straight days. So, I did what I said I'd do. I tried to enjoy each moment we were together and didn't push for anything more. It was a wonderful day together. I'll miss her this week.
...but after this weeks "closeness" it's probably good we'll be away from each other. She told me she wasn't bringing her laptop to her new job so she won't be FBing me in the evenings. She works Wednesday to Sunday 5:00 pm to 1:00am. I had this urge to offer to pick her up in the a.m. from her job, (she sleeps over and leaves at 8:00am) and drop her at home because it's right on my way to work but decided not to do so. Space...we both need it! Btw, I went in and spent the extra time last night because her "family" was home. In her culture what the family thinks of the guy is ultra important. The people she lives with are not her real family but she calls them her "family". So today I'm going to Voldemort's for a BBQ (and yes, I told MM about it).
just got back from Voldemort's BBQ, food was delicious! When I arrived my daughter asked me to help her make a pie so we made a rhubarb pie from scratch. I'm exhausted today. Yesterdays eleven hour extravaganza wore me out. I drove MM to work today before going to the BBQ. I had FB'd her to wish her well on her job and she was online, so I asked how her back was today. She said it was worse than yesterday and she couldn't take her meds until late at night. I said "I'd like to come and take you to work today. That way you can spare your back from walking to and from the bus. It's not a problem and I'd really like to do this." So I did. When she got out of the car she blew me a kiss. Later on in the evening, she called me on my cell to thank me for bringing her today and to tell me how the job was going. She had been extremely nervous but felt much better now. So, that was my day!
Wow, too much going on these days! I got kids appointments coming out my ears and with back to school happening, well...you know. We get home at night and I hear "Dad, I need $35 tomorrow for gym uniform" uh, couldn't you maybe have mentioned that when we were out and I could stop at a bank!!!! D17 is having her wisdom teeth extracted on Friday. Voldemort has stopped carrying about her dislike of having all four taken out at once. I gave her the doctors number and told her to call him and discuss her concerns with him. She's been quiet since then. D14 is also starting the competitive gymnastics season so I have to leave work early twice per week to get her to training on time. I don't even have time to set up my own chiro appt. this week. I guess it's all part of being the family guy lol!
