Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

I wrote this down where I can see it. From 25Years....my hero, lol.

"reaching out" to her now = pushing her away"

The whole counterintuitive thing is hard, but I'm getting it. I talked to my MIL last friday about many things -- I really want to heal my relationships with that family, not just my W. They are good people. I've been distant....due to my fear of people/extreme shyness. So I have reached out-- and MIL and I had a 3 1/2 hour talk Friday. I felt that we really connected on some level. I really am sorry I haven't been able to be a part of their family due to my own neurotic introversion.....but i can only change the future.

Ok so today for Labor Day I took my elderly mother on some errands, had S4 - had a good morning. Got a text from W that said, "eating at 4 at mom's. Bring S4 at 3:30?" I replied -- OK. I went and got them a nice bottle of wine ( I don't drink at all but they do a little on special occasions) I tried to have no expectations... so when they didn't ask me to stay for dinner/grilling out as I've always done for 13 years....well...I still wanted them to.

I gave MIL a card that basically again told her I want to start over and mend our relationship. Talked a few minutes as I dropped S4 off, and left. W walked me to the car and I said, "Well, I know all the hurt i've caused others took a long time, so I know it will take a long time to heal." I also used the 'marathon not sprint to W regarding my healing relationships etc.... Then I came home alone.