I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[AJM]

I cannot emphasize what AB said enough Tad. I read that and saw the same thing. As the father of a teenager (two if you count the ex and what she positioned me as) I can say I saw the exact same things. I think DB doesn't have a real place in your relationship right now, but rather is a way to describe what you need to do for YOU.
I can tell you mine did very similar things. Friendship? If you just met her, would you want to be friends with her? I doubt it, unless you're masochistic in a bad way.

The manipulation of that conversation was overt and scary. Distance for you is to allow YOU to heal. To grow. You are, but she very much wants to control things. That's a hallmark from what I've seen. Mine did very similar and it wasn't until reading some other posts and talking to some friends that I realized what she was doing - using me to fuel her anger. I was the radioactive material that she was (and still would) using to continue her anger. I took that away for ME. I needed to stop that. I have stopped that many times over time now, and didn't realize I'd allowed it again in other ways.

What she is doing is pushing you away AND holding on to you. In her twisted way, it makes sense to her, but it isn't respectful and it isn't a healthy relationship. You pusing her away makes her think because it means she doesn't have the control over you she wants. Think of it this way, she is confused, angry, guilty, etc. She is scratching, clawing, pushing, kicking whomever gets close to regain control. You cannot be that object because you would be damned if you did. She would pour that poison into you if she could. You can't let her, Tad. If you do, you will be lost. Seriously. Step back and get some distance as hurricane W gets stronger. You'll see the eye of the hurricane before long, but resist going back because it will start up again. She has a long way to go to be "done" with what she is doing.

Right now, her plans are not working as she envisioned them. Very discouraging right? She wants to be the victim and will sacrifice anyting and especially you to be that. That is NOT healthy and will lead to really bad things and permanent damage beyond what you see now.

She reminds of a teenager Tad. You handle that lovingly and at a distance remembering it's not about you.

Focus back on you and the boys and hang in there. She is working on things, I can see that. So are you. She may yet surprise you, but it's a long way from over, Tad. For you both.

Be well my friend!

AJ