E, I don't know if what you're doing is a bad thing. I think he needs some space to figure himself out. You need the space to calm your anxiety. You especially needed to do something to change the dynamic.
I think you're right, jb. It just felt so counterintuitive and foolish, especially since one of his complaints was that he felt ignored and unloved. However, the distance between us now is of his own doing so I have to stop worrying about what he's thinking.
Besides, after I posted last night, he texted me to say that he didn't know if I thought he was ignoring me or not, but that he wanted me to know that he was avoiding me only because he needed space to educate himself.
So I guess he's NOT thinking that I am avoiding him but that he's avoiding me. Fine by me because this time I'm the one that needs some space.
Originally Posted By: LilaGirl
There is definitely a co-addicted quality to all this - it's a tremendous book.
I don't know how you can stand all the back and forth. I'm exhausted too; I hear ya on that!
I will read the book next (I've got two on the go at the moment). However, I've looked into co-dependency online and did a few of those quizzes on the subject and while I may have co-dependent tendencies, I'm not sure I'm technically co-dependent.
One of my H's complaints was that I haven't been there for him in the last couple years. He said he's felt abandoned and unloved (and his complaints are valid). Yes, now I'm hanging on and trying to fix things, but I was pretty darn close to being a WAW myself, and I have paid little attention to him or our R for some time. It was at the urgency of a friend that I did some reading and started owning my part in the demise of our M. I can't change him but I can start taking a long hard look at my own "stuff" which is what I'm trying to do.
However, I suppose I may have overlooked some of his characteristics or lied to myself about what kind of man he was...I'm not sure. I'm still searching.
