Is it possible she doesn't want to be the sole bread winner anymore BUT doesn't want to tell you that?
I've been going back to school part time for 3 years now, and have just begun full-time last month. The plan was/is for me to contribute in a financially significant way once I attain my teaching certification. Going back to school was my idea, not suggested by her. She's been supportive up until our fallout, when she decided that she didn't think I'd finish school. This leads to the next part...
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Also-- your answers to my questions are pretty much that you "Already changed all the things I know to change..." oh, okay...so what's to ask?
Like it's useless/ hopeless or you are missing a secret answer.
There is absolutely something I'm missing, I just don't know what it is. It's emotional in some way, and while I have some ideas, any words coming from me are just going to sound like smooth talk. The formula you presented is a good indication, where I've been hung up is the time involved. My behavior has been consistent as far as habits go for 8 months. The emotional part has taken longer for me to level out, and I've only been consistent and even keel for 2 months or so. Unfortunately, I think that was past her point of no return.
So if there is still some secret ingredient, the only way I can discover it is to stop looking for it, and just continue being the best me I can.
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(But I'm not convinced you are fully aware of all her true concerns. They do not have to be verbally expressed to be present. Dig deep.)
She has told me from the outset of this that she feels like I used her, and my SAHD status to lead an easy life. She feels like I betrayed her trust and only wanted for her to carry me. She still feels this way, despite the fact that instead of walking away when confronted with this, I busted my ass do take care of the things that were concerning her. She only has ever listed physical things, other than months later saying she felt betrayed. She has also never said that she wants it to work out between us, and she doesn't want to understand the "why" of her emotions.
She even went to her IC with the goal of healing and moving on from me, not to try and understand us or herself. She told me this.
Again, I know I'm missing something, but I'm discouraged by her not even wanting to think staying together is a possibility. Even if I do find out about what I'm missing from the emotional puzzle, I can't address it directly without setting her off.
So I'm back to staying the course. Thanks for the reminder about the TIME it takes for things to have an effect. 9 months physical is all fine, but I've not given the 2 months emotional changes time to sink in. I'm still in the house, and MC starts Friday, so there are some things to look forward to.
