After 3 weeks of constant contact

[25yearsmlc]

look at this as a "recon mission" and you are there to get information from her about where SHE is wanting things to go. SO LISTEN...get data...

You don't have to commit to anything but that you promise to process what she has said & need time to think it all over. Decide nothing.

Listen...and listen some more. Do not just react.

Have some mystery about what you have been doing b/c at some level she has to see that she is risking losing you if she is endlessly undecided...(which is true)

Nothing punitive, no lying, but a bit of mystery, be vague if she presses you for info on what YOU were doing. Steer the conversation back to topic--which is why she wanted to meet.

Get info from her but without asking for it. (Not endlessly questioning her).
Let her offer it. Don't worry so much about this and that of if you freeze up, or what to do when you greet her, wait for her to move. If she makes no move,
Look for a place to sit or walk. If she goes in for the hug (my guess)
you can give her a gentle hug but don't latch on, etc.

Be strong (or look like it). A man freaking out and not in control of himself
is not attractive.

A strong man is in control of his emotions; he doesn't try to control others.
Strong men are attractive.

Know you are a good catch. Own your part in the marital problems but don't grovel.

There are two answers if she begins to rehash the problems or things you did that bugged her. (but try to stay focussed on the relationship "[i]from this day forward"...)[/i]

1) If she revises the marital history so wildly and inaccurately or makes things up wholly, you say "Wow, I don't recall it that way at all, but I"m sorry you felt hurt/upset"...

2) IF she revises but there is some or a lot of validity and truth to what she says,

you say "I see that now and if I had it to do over again, there are a lot of things I would do differently."

Neither answer is argumentative and both indicate change on your end.

She has to believe the marriage can improve or she wont' come back. That is the bottom line, so don't waste time arguing that it was a good marriage and she just didn't see it. That will not work.

She left THAT marriage. You have to show her that the new improved marriage is sooo worth the efforts b/c you are a man only a fool would leave.

good luck