I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[AntoniaB]

Wow. She's batchit, Tad, just batchit crazy ;-)

It's interesting that the more you were short and to the point, the more she just went off. (But recall that if you were the opposite, "old Tad", where you pushed rel. talk a lot, she also went off. So the one change is that YOU aren't getting worked up so much anymore, which is good).

There are a couple of things you have in there that were DB "mistakes", the one that jumps out is the "I want you in my life" but I don't know that she even really "heard" it so much as she took it and twisted it on you. She seems to be making a case for you being in her life ONLY on her terms, and her terms are a friendship and nothing more, and that's not healthy for you right now. A friendship can occur with a divorce situation FAR from the initial impact, but it just can't be negotiated right now as your attachment is too great, and I think you already know that, which is why you're trying to pull away.

I take it these are text transcripts here, and that this isn't your memory but the actual back and forth? If so, boy Tad, she is masterful at manipulation. MASTERFUL. I mean, as a former manipulative person with my XH (on other issues of course) I can recognize it well. She is adept at turning everything on you SO fast that your head has to be spinning, and of course so much of this is projection of her own faults onto you. I'm not saying you never did anything wrong in your marriage, but it is clear that she is trying desperately to make you take 100% of the heat now.

Look even the "mommy wants some Tylenol" is pure manipulation. It says "I'm here, and you're not kissing my butt anymore by coming out here and talking to me and giving me a punching bag, so I'm going to pout outside but remind you that I'm here AND my head hurts and that's probably your fault too."

Honestly. She is masterful. And if this isn't "her" in personality, then you know even more now why you have to get the heck away from her as often as possible.

It is DRIVING HER NUTS that you won't tell her ONE THING. My 2 cents? She knows it has to do with the both of you--and she likely knows it relates to the anniversary since the post would have a date on it and she knows you didn't contact her--and by NOT telling her about it, you're denying her the opportunity to cut you down again with some comment like "I told you I'm done. Now why can't we just be friends?"

I'll tell you, it felt good TO ME to see you not give in to her in places here, because I know that that means that you are taking some power back for yourself. In fact I probably spent too much time myself analyzing her behavior, but I did it for one purpose, to tell you that she is completely and utterly unreachable. I recognize manipulation when I see it because I used to be so good at it before I got MY head straight, and people who do that sort of thing do it because they are SO insecure, and have such poor self-esteem, that it gives them a high to have control over others.

Regardless of how confident she comes off, or how happy, or whatever, she isn't. She's actually fighting you becoming your own person, and that's scary.

What you should take from this is that you must work to limit the interactions even more, and if that means flat out ignoring texts or emails altogether or WALKING AWAY MID-CONVERSATION, then do it.

You try to do that by saying things like "have a good weekend" or "it's not important, talk to you later", stuff like that. But then she comes back at you again and you feel you have to respond. Well, don't.

Better yet, when you say "have a good weekend", then immediately turn your phone off, vibrate too. Step away from the phone. Turn it on hours later. By then yeah, there may be texts stacked up. Hit delete. Don't even read them.