You have great advice - Walking said everything i would want to say, only better.
Now as to his family. That is somewhat tricky.. The family situation is often, as Walking pointed out, at the core of the crisis. Sometimes the WAS' family are devastated with the WAS and angry, sometimes they believe all the WAS tells them about the marriage. In my case my MIL supported me and my xh siblings totally bought into his story and never contacted me at all. Usually blood is thicker than water though.
It is early days. I would certainly talk to them if they contact you, but resist giving your side of the 'story'.
Just say something like you are desperately sad about it, and trying to sort yourself out, that you love them [or like them or whatever is true] and would like to keep in touch. There is no obligation to explain anything. If your h has told them some tall stories this will gradually become apparent to them.
It has often been said that time is our friend. It is, in that time is needed to work through this crisis, and time is needed to reveal the truth of situations.
As to changing. This change is exacted from us in part as we struggle to come to terms with our loss and our grief. Practising the daily habit of gratitude is very important. Focus on what we do have, on any positives, rather than the loss. It helps, I promise. If you can find 6 things every morning and evening to be grateful for, you will feel better about life.
25 years MLC, a very wise poster here, says think AFRICA. We aren't living there. Small things like a loving phone call from a friend, a nice cup of coffee, a good hair day.
Take care of yourself. Exercise, it makes you feel and look better, dress nicely even if you are cleaning house. Keep your hair and nails in good shape, and so on. For yourself, not to lure your h back.
It is possible that your h's crisis has been coming on for sometime, without your realising it. Like you, I was blindsided, but looking back I can see the signs. I couldn't have done anything different. With true MLC it is well nigh unavoidable, I believe, unless the MLCer decides to do something, realising that all is not well [and this is rare].
However, I believe during the run up to the bomb we do become somewhat co-dependent, and recovering from that will help you to feel better.
Is there anything you have always wanted to do and not been able to, because you h doesn't enjoy it, or you didn't have time? You are becoming an empty nester. Plan on doing some things over the next few months that you have always wanted to do. And try wherever possible to take the focus off your h and put it on you and your children.
One huge positive that I see in you is that you aren't wailing 'Why me?' That is a sign of real maturity and grace. [You may feel it at times!] Sorry you are here, but welcome.
