I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Eric. I hope you are well. I'm really sorry that I couldn't make it to your party, but I GOT A JOB!

Folks, this is going to be a long one and I'm sorry for that.

And what does DIVORCE mean to YOU Tad? Does it mean that this is over?

I'm not so sure. It scares me though. However, I did meet someone last night when I was GALing and she told me that her parents got divorced and then married a few years later and were together for another 20 years.

Can you wait that long?

I'd like to think I can, but I also don't want to "hang on" forever either.

I would run from the lady at your new job.

I was thinking the same thing. It is amazing though what a boost to one's self esteem it is when we get attention from the opposite sex. But.....I will run.

YOU and YOUR wife ain't done just yet.

Do you mean we aren't done "cooking" or done with "us?" I'm obviously not done, but she sure is. I still think that she despises me.

Oh boy.

Here we go.

W has been strange lately.

A few days ago I posted on here about a message W sent me regarding a FB post. I never answered it. Yesterday, I had the following text exchange with W:

W: Were you ever going to answer my FB question?

M: What question?

W: I messaged you asking what you had decided not to do last Wednesday.

M: Oh. I don't think I ever got it. It really isn't that important.

W: If I'm asking then maybe it is, but whatever.

M: I'm sorry. It really isn't important. Have a great weekend.

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I thought the conversation would be over right here.
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W: Well don't expect me to "share" anymore since you won't. Enjoy the fun that you have planned for today. (She said this in reference to a FB post I made on my page just 10 minutes prior to this exchange.)

M: You haven't "shared" anything with me. I would love to share things with you. I really would.

W: I share all kinds of things with you on the phone when we were talking about your job and mine and my school. Wow. What is it you want shared?

M: Your life.

W: That is my life. I even talked about my hiking with Sharen. I talk to you about the kids. What else is left?

M: I want you in my life and me to be in yours.

W: We are.

M: You know what I mean.

W: Well obviously not since you refuse to answer my question.

M: It's just not important.

W: I see you have a new female FB friend. She is Mexican like Norma....your first love....maybe you can pretend.

*SHE IS REFERRING TO MY VERY FIRST GIRLFRIEND!!! I WAS IN THE 6TH GRADE! I WAS 11 YEARS OLD! ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME???

She continued.......

W: Your new friend is closer in age to S18 than you....maybe she can service all of you.

ARE YOU KIDDING?????

M: Really W? She is a friend and nothing more. I've always been faithful to you and continue to be.

W: Faithfulness is more than just refraining from intercourse. You owe me nothing in regards to that or any other vow. You already broke my trust, faith, respect and love. I wanted to salvage a friendship so maybe some of those other things could be repaired but you keep blocking that. If you won't answer my question then this conversation is over.

M: I'm sorry you feel that way. Sorry that you think I am such a terrible person. You also said that you didn't want to work on the "other stuff." You're right. I don't owe you anything, but I do it because I want to and love you. I will answer your question later if you want. Text me or call. I have to go now. Have a great weekend.

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I thought the conversation would be over right here too.
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W: I didn't say you were terrible. Answer the question now or not at all. The only thing I ever want to work on is a friendship, but those other qualities are required for a friendship. And....you talk to friends about things and not me. You don't answer the question. Once again, your priorities in people are wrong. This is one reason we are divorcing. Your friends ALWAYS know more than me and come first. (Is she forgetting that she is the one that no longer wants to be in my life?)

M: No, but according to you, I've done some pretty terrible things. I also get blamed for everything. Some of the stuff is valid and I have owned them. If you want nothing more than a friendship, then why do you care? My priorities may have been wrong, but not anymore.My friends and nothing come before you. I only share things with friends because you don't want to hear what I have to say.

W: Whatever. Don't answer the question. You have managed to keep me angry at you for over a year. (Angry at me? She is the one that started an affair and got caught. She's angry at me?) You don't let me recover and you still aggravate the situation. You choose friends even now. You just proved it by not answering the question. Spin it however you choose, you will anyways. You are so clueless it amazes me. Even when I point blank tell you something you spin it, twist it, put words in my mouth etc. This is what you have done all along. For example, you will act like you want to understand a reason why I left....I explain it, you twist it all up instead of trying to hear me and the situation gets even worse! I wish you would just SEE! I wish you always could have SEEN. Now there is no recovering from all the damage. It breaks my heart all over again. And yet, maybe I didn't SEE how you were all along and that by me always trying to make the best of things and sweeping things under the rug caused our ultimate demise. We are not good for each other. I do see that now....but I don't regret the life we built. (She told me once that she wished we never married.) That is why I want to be friends, not only for the kids, but because we had all those years.

M: I'm trying to see and I do see. I told you I would answer the question later. Just call or text this evening. I have to go now.

W: Nope. You could have answered it by now.

This was the end. I did not respond. A few hours later, she tried to call and I did not hear the phone. She left a voicemail telling me that I would not have to drive to her place to pick up S16 and that she would just drop him by because she would be on this side of town. I did not respond because I felt there was no need to.

A few hours later, I get this:

W: Did you get my voicemail?

M: Yeah

W: I can call when we are on our way so you can have an estimate as to the time we will arrive.

M: Ok. I may be gone when you get here, but I'll let you know.

W: Well then, I won't get out of the car. Goodnight.

M: I might be. I'll have to let you know.

She did not respond.

Today, she dropped him off. I was here. S16 came into the house and said "mommy wants some Tylenol." I gave him some and he took it out to her. S20 and S18 were here as well. Neither one of them went out to see her. I felt terrible for her. I didn't go out either. Maybe I should have? The old me would have and would have started a conversation about us.

Reading over these messages I realized a few things:

1. I made some MAJOR Dbing mistakes.

2. I am detaching, but am still not detached enough.

3. Her words still hurt me, but not like they did.

4. She is accusing me of things that I should be accussing her of.

5. She is still very hurt and angry about things.

6. She makes it sound like everything is my fault.

7. She obviously is very jealous of any friends that I have and has some serious issues to deal with. She is one messed up woman.

8. She DOES have some valid points and I know what they are.

9. I get the feeling that she can feel me pushing away.

That is pretty much it.

Thoughts?

Anybody want to try to decipher this?

Any vets want to chime in?

Tad