I am so lost... someone PLEASE help me!!! 6

[Johnnieno1]

Update...
I have been doing my best to stick to sandis list of dos and donts.  No R talk at all since Tuesday night.  Just making sure to be consistent in my 180s.  I went out Friday night with work friends to celebrate our last day of work.  I got home late, well actually about 12:30 but slept on the porch swing for a bit and went in the house at 3 am.  The next morning at 6am I got up to get a drink, and my W was leaving for work.  She remarked "you must be tired you didn't get much sleep". I said, "I'm fine" (hungover really). This was different behavior for her as she would make a point on not saying anything that would show any observation of my whereabouts. 

 I had a great night with my collegues and have had many happy pictures tagged of me having a good time in FB.  I really enjoyed myself and am getting comfortable with GAL.  I am starting to realize that my happiness really does come from within.  I have hinged so much of my married life's happiness on my W. 

 I am spending more time with the kids now as my W has been taking more weekend and evening painting jobs to supplement her loss in wages while the daycare winds down (this upcoming week is the last week).  For me, I will be home alot more now that I am unemployed.  This will allow me to be here for the kids and get some needed chores done around the house.  It will also force me to get out of the house so that I don't get "cabin fever".  My service club commitments will be restarting again this week, so more GAL.

 The next 2 weeks will bring a true role reversal, as I become the housewife, and my W goes off to work outside the house.  It will bring a appreciation for what we have taken for granted in each other over the last 7 years.  

I am waiting to hear on 2 jobs I have interviewed for last week.  I am optimistic, and felt that both interviews went very well... But you never know until you get feedback one way or another.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they pan out.  It would be nice to have that small stress off my sholders.  That would leave just the huge stress of my marital sitch to deal with... I say it like this: "my job stress is a drop, my marriage stress is the whole lake". That puts it into perspective.  

Overall now I am just focussed on being the best Johnnie I can be without being phony, or not true to myself.  The ending of my current job will help me to be more of the man she fell in love with... I have said before that my old job required me to be in very tight control of situations and conversations, i can see where my W complaints about me being controlling have stemmed from that.  

I am confident that with everyday that passes, I am stronger, and it is becoming clearer to me that my wife's unhappiness is due to her own issues.  I have fixed me, to the point that I am happy with me.  Now the rest is up to her.  I have decided that when my W is in a bad.mood, it will not hook me, I concider it an opportunity to show patience and understanding for her, and I recognize that things may not be going so well with her EA, or that she may be having doubts about her master escape plan. Whatever it is, if things don't work out for us, I know I deserve better.  I will not let this define me, I have learned a very painful lesson about what to do, and what not to do in this or future relationships...  

I'm growing, and I can see that.

Divorce Busting full steam ahead...