Treading water - time and patience

[NYCPeter]

I haven't journaled for a while.

Spent a great week with the girls, zoo, water park, riding bikes etc. Even managed to squeeze in a bit of golf. Back to reality and work on Tuesday.

Today the girls were at the lakehouse and my wife was working, I asked my wife if she wanted to have dinner tonight and we went to a local restaurant and had a great time - good laughs and enjoyed each other's company.

Now the backsliding - as we walk to the car, my wife says she is driving to the lakehouse tonight to be with the girls. I responded saying I thought we were spending the night together (she had previously mentioned picking up the girls in the morning). She said - she wasn't ready to spend the night alone in the house with me. I asked her if she felt threatened or intimidated - she said no, she's just not ready for that.
I told her I needed to see some effort from her - that spending a few hours with me would show me that she was making the effort and indicated that I was wanted at home.
She said she was sorry and drove off in the car - I know I was begging and being needy, but I really feel I am being used right now. That when it's convenient for me to be around thats fine, otherwise disregard what I may want.

Yeah I know - it's not about me, it's about her.