I'm not ready to date - I know that. But I just want this part of my life over with - I want to be loved again. It's not fair he gets to be loved and I'm abandoned.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Julz s I got my gf pregnant when I was 21. Married her cause I thought. It was the right thing. We fought everydAy had an affair with current w. Had second kid but things got worse. So I left was 23. I went home to try but she had gone with a guy so I stop trying and moved with current w. I always wonder about current w since I never Persued her and an A was not what I was thinking.I have to tell you that 27 years later I feel guilty and angry at current w. Not a day goes by that I don't feel guilty. Obviously it was my decisiOn and I own that. Guess I deserve my current sitch but trust me he will suffer for the rest of his life I know. UnLess he is antisocial he will pay a deAr price.Hang in there it is his loss
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Oh, Julz - what they have isn't love. Love takes time to grow and flourish - in two months, they have lust, they have infatuation, and most of all, they have crazy.
But not love.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Julz, I read something similar to what Rick expressed above - your H will probably look at this woman someday and feel guilty and then he may start to wonder what kind of woman has an affair with a married man. It may sound hypocritical because he got involved with her but I do think one day, he's going to think about it and she's not going to look so good in his eyes.
And I agree, what they have is not love. It was built on lies and deception - that's not a very good foundation for a long-term R.
AGREED A girl....Julz, my W has been messing/contacting/whatever OW for about 2 months and it's that newness...the drug of infatuation fueled by dopamine and all that chemical nonsense.
Remember, while U and I may not have always been perfect spouses, Julz, we have been there for them. We have children with them. We have been through the better, now we're trying desperately to hold on through the worse. Most people just walk away. Not us. We try to keep our family together. It takes character, Julz. Character. If our spouses do leave us for good, I really believe they have lost a couple of great women! And they will believe that as well at some point when the real world catches up with the lust.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Yes endeavor. The fog will lift and we will still be here when the day to day drudge sets in with OW. We'll be much wiser. Much improved (much thinner thanks to the heartbreak diet..LOL) and ready to hold up our part of the vows.
And yes, what type of person will mess around with someone who is still living with W and child(ren). What a bunch of low lifes out there. We are better than them. Much more class, and ladies ----DO NOT FORGET IT!!!!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
So should I reply to his email or ignore it? First thoughts were to ignore but now I think I should reply. Something along the lines of thanking him and saying that after how quick he jumped into a relationship that I'm not surprised.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Well. My communication with my H is extremely limited (my choice, not his, and I think it bothers him, if you read my thread), so bear that in mind, but.
I would consider not replying. If you have to reply, I would consider something extremely short such as, "Thank you for letting me know" or even just "Thanks!"
I'd leave out any of the "emotion", which is what "I'm not surprised" is. Remember, you want to keep the road home paved and smooth, and making him feel bad just drives him closer to her.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Julz, I'm so sorry for the email. I would say how tacky although I sometimes still wish my w would have been honest with me about her starting to date vs. me finding a hickey on her neck.
Regardless I would definitely not say this part: after how quick he jumped into a relationship that I'm not surprised.
My advice is to not reply. This stops him from seeing a reaction. Now you know. Go live your life.
Jeez.. WAS's can have some real d-bag moments.
((( )))
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
